Having almost completed my super successful MBA, I have decided to do what every good senior does. Pass on the gyaan. Unfortunately, with an expertise of lazying around and free riding I don’t really have any gyaan to pass on. So I have decided to pass on the knowledge in which I have complete expertise – FREERIDING. This blog will be beneficial to people who cannot delegate work properly and unfortunately end up doing almost all work themselves. I hope it changes a few lives.
About the Author
It is very important to establish the credentials of the author before following any such gyaan capsules. So here are a few facts establishing the authenticity of the post.
The author was one of the founding members of the Chillsoc society at FMS. He is the self proclaimed president of SPAMSOC. He has 2 years of extensive experience of working along with the most shameless, faceless, useless free riders at FMS. Before FMS, author received training for 4 years in the hinterlands of bawana, a place notorious for producing the best people in this business.
Few Facts of freeriding
1. Since you have managed to find time to read this, you have the basic ingredients of being a good free rider.
2. Remember great freeriders are never accused of being a free rider. If somebody starts accusing you of being one, eventually your luck will run out and you would have to start working.
3. Whenever you get a chance accuse others of freeriding. This creates a false impression that you are working hard.
4. Free riders need to have great interpersonal skills and brilliant communications skills. It also completely kills their ego. So don’t be embarrassed – Freeriding helps you in improving your personality.
5. Trust your teammates. This is the most important ingredient in forming any team. Trust them to do good quality work which would ensure good internal marks even for you. Without trust you will have the unnecessary urge of cross checking, revising the work which would lead to waste of your valuable energy and resources.
6. If you freeride, nobody would ever accuse you of presenting shoddy work.
The guide
So here are a few tidbits on how to successfully freeride an entire semester. Make sure you follow the exact steps in every semester but on different people.
1. Be present on the first day of the class. This is the day the groups are formed and be atleast 10 minutes early to the class.
2. Sit right next to the most studious girl in the class. Yes, girl is important because even if she finds out your ulterior motives she would spare your mother and sisters and also be sensitive enough not to insult you in front of other girls.
3. Indulge in a conversation before the class on the lines of how important the subject is and how much you want to study the subject. This will create an impression that you are really looking forward to study the subject.
4. Groups are generally formed at the end of the class. The most common size is 6-7. The girl next to you would generally have a default group of 3-4 already decided. You be a NICE guy and suggest another group of 3-4 hard working students and team them up.
5. In the most ideal situation, let the sub groups be such that you are the only one who is very comfortable talking to all people in the group. This will effectively make you the CEO of the group. And as you know in a team CEO works the least.
6. If you are able to find a group where a geeky guy wants to impress a geeky girl, boss you just won a lottery. NEVER leave such a group (Should i explain more :-)). Unfortunately, it is easier said that done. This is precisely the reason one should be aware about all the gossip going around in class. Hence, Free riding also improves your general knowledge.
7. Contrary to popular opinion, NEVER have the same group for two different subjects/events/competitions etc. This ensures that you will be able to freeride all events, other wise work will be shared and you will have to do some of it.
8. Start a chain mail 4-5 days before the final deadline asking the group to start contributing on the topic. Trust me, nobody is going to reply to the mail for the next 2 days. At the end of the two days, send a mail abusing the entire group of lack of seriousness and free riding.
9. If your image has taken slight hit (because of earlier freeriding) google the topic and copy paste the first 2 links and send in the mail. Nobody is going to bother to check the source, and would feel you are really doing some work.
10. Ego massage the hardest working person in the group. Generally, this is the breed of people (Commonly known as geeks, but i wont insult them) who need an outlet to talk. Be that outlet. Tell them how you are the only one working on the project in the other group. Show concern, tell them how much you want to help them but how helpless you are because of the useless group you have in the other subject.
11. Dont worry, they dont really need your help. But please ensure you offer help. Continue to bitch about others in the group.
12. Dont be too active on facebook, gmail etc 2 days before a submission. Out of sight is generally out of mind. Your team mates might just forget about your presence.
These were just a few pointers to become a legend. I have always kept my blog an open forum and you are free to share more ideas. I am open to make the necessary changes.
Showing posts with label Student life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Student life. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Some facts about CV points
• Don’t look at others CV’s. They will always look better than yours. The points mentioned are as fake, exaggerated as your own. The only difference is, you know the reality of your own CV.
• Once you have made it, don’t even look at your own CV. There is a distinct chance that you will forget the exaggeration and give yourself too much airs. Btw, the feeling in the first point lasts only a few minutes. At the end of it, MY CV STRONGEST
• Even though the reason for every MBA’s existence is collection of CV points, they will still struggle to come up with 20 points in 730 days i.e a frequency of 1 CV point per 36.5 days. Which means 1 CV point per month. God save our country, if our budding CEO’s are so grossly inefficient
• Although, in office all of us were busy preparing for CAT,XAT,FMS we somehow managed to win some sort of recognition award.
• Your bosses are actually nice. Infact, you regret the days when you used to abuse them. In case, you abused him on his face. Well!! Sorry, you just missed the chance of a good CV point
• Remember even the most worthless thing you ever did. There is a distinct possibility that it would come across as your best CV point. That gully cricket tournament you won in 12th class(bunking coaching class test) can actually lend the perfect balance your otherwise geeky CV deserves.
• Probably the most important thing that you ever did in your life is not on your CV because you got cash prize or some other kind of appreciation from some special someone.
• We scientifically bold the most important words believing that the person who is going to shortlist is going to ignore the other words – Gee!! How smart we think we are or do we sincerely believe that the other person is a moron.
• Just in case you are from a top school, you will suddenly start to regret it. Because your friend from ABC school is able to write TOPPER IN SCHOOL with 86.8% and you cannot with 92%. This belief is again based on the sincere belief that the person who is going to read it is a moron.
• You would wish you were born in the smallest district in India, the moment you see
District topper(in bold), Jharsuguda (In small font) on your friends CV.
Sincere apologies to people living in Jharsuguda
• You will discover new bugs in Microsoft Office while working on your CV.
• If you are actually the way your CV(personals) suggests, you will hate yourself for your arrogance.
• You will suddenly develop eclectic habits (interests) so that you can put on your CV. Being natural is only an advice you give to your juniors.
• Unbelievingly, I write such lousy blogs so that I am able to put blogging as a hobby on my CV.
• Once you have made it, don’t even look at your own CV. There is a distinct chance that you will forget the exaggeration and give yourself too much airs. Btw, the feeling in the first point lasts only a few minutes. At the end of it, MY CV STRONGEST
• Even though the reason for every MBA’s existence is collection of CV points, they will still struggle to come up with 20 points in 730 days i.e a frequency of 1 CV point per 36.5 days. Which means 1 CV point per month. God save our country, if our budding CEO’s are so grossly inefficient
• Although, in office all of us were busy preparing for CAT,XAT,FMS we somehow managed to win some sort of recognition award.
• Your bosses are actually nice. Infact, you regret the days when you used to abuse them. In case, you abused him on his face. Well!! Sorry, you just missed the chance of a good CV point
• Remember even the most worthless thing you ever did. There is a distinct possibility that it would come across as your best CV point. That gully cricket tournament you won in 12th class(bunking coaching class test) can actually lend the perfect balance your otherwise geeky CV deserves.
• Probably the most important thing that you ever did in your life is not on your CV because you got cash prize or some other kind of appreciation from some special someone.
• We scientifically bold the most important words believing that the person who is going to shortlist is going to ignore the other words – Gee!! How smart we think we are or do we sincerely believe that the other person is a moron.
• Just in case you are from a top school, you will suddenly start to regret it. Because your friend from ABC school is able to write TOPPER IN SCHOOL with 86.8% and you cannot with 92%. This belief is again based on the sincere belief that the person who is going to read it is a moron.
• You would wish you were born in the smallest district in India, the moment you see
District topper(in bold), Jharsuguda (In small font) on your friends CV.
Sincere apologies to people living in Jharsuguda
• You will discover new bugs in Microsoft Office while working on your CV.
• If you are actually the way your CV(personals) suggests, you will hate yourself for your arrogance.
• You will suddenly develop eclectic habits (interests) so that you can put on your CV. Being natural is only an advice you give to your juniors.
• Unbelievingly, I write such lousy blogs so that I am able to put blogging as a hobby on my CV.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
You know you are in FMS when
• "Step outside" are your favourite two words. So much so, that you get wierd dreams about them :-)
• In case you are an engineer, when you got admission your friends were most excited about the awesome DU girls you will get to meet.
• In the two years, you did not talk to a single Non FMS girl. Still, you boast about the crowd to your engineering friends.
• You love to move about in FMS Tshirts, Sweat shirts etc. So much so that you have such a huge collection that you hardly have any other clothes.
• In case you came into FMS single, you are still single.
• If you were committed when you came to FMS, you are still committed but the object(guy or the girl) has changed.
• If you are amongst the few non engineers, either make sure your economics is strong or run into hibernation before exams. Because the engineers will assume that you are an economics honours(even if you are a BA arts) and haggle you before the exams.
• In the first year, you felt the whole EB and the system sucks. When you entered the second year, you realized that status quo is the best way to move forward.
• You have SPAMMED more than once in your life. And have also shown disgust at somebody else’s SPAM.
• You freeride most of the things yet bitch about other people in the group freeriding.
• You are convinced that DSE canteen's food is much better than Anna's. Although there is no evidence to prove the same. As HV would say "Food is just an alibi" :-)
• You are amazed at how can anybody else come from outside to eat at Anna's.
• You realize some things need to be changed. But when they do, you create a furore and dare the person who changed them.
• You have not seen the cover of most of the books of the subject you have already passed.
• Youre favorite game is "Farmville". After 9 0 clock, you play Status message Status message.
• You participate in every damn college competition. Even if it is an operations or an HR game and you are a hardcore finance person. Btw, you have kicked ass of other B schooler's before. :-)
• You do social work to build up CV points. Infact, you believe that the very reason for human existence is "collection of CV points”
• You are an absolute stud at google search.
• Your most often visited websites are uncyclopedia, fakingnews.com and facebook.com
• You feel Deepak bhaiyaa is the most important person on campus, particularly at the end of the semester.
• You are convinced marks are given by a random number generator
• You are not allowed to talk about the people in the corner room. (Even on such a useless blog) Although each of you has an opinion on them.
• No matter how busy you are, you will definitely find time to read such silly attempts of your batchmates.
• If this blog becomes too famous, media secy will screw me. :-)
PS 1: 2-3 points are straight copy paste from "You know you are in DCE community" on Facebook. I apologize for the plagiarism. But i dont think the concerned person will mind. I never said I am original.
PS 2 : Ok, the ideas mentioned might be slightly prejudistic in nature. But i dont really care.
PS 3: People please contribute further
• In case you are an engineer, when you got admission your friends were most excited about the awesome DU girls you will get to meet.
• In the two years, you did not talk to a single Non FMS girl. Still, you boast about the crowd to your engineering friends.
• You love to move about in FMS Tshirts, Sweat shirts etc. So much so that you have such a huge collection that you hardly have any other clothes.
• In case you came into FMS single, you are still single.
• If you were committed when you came to FMS, you are still committed but the object(guy or the girl) has changed.
• If you are amongst the few non engineers, either make sure your economics is strong or run into hibernation before exams. Because the engineers will assume that you are an economics honours(even if you are a BA arts) and haggle you before the exams.
• In the first year, you felt the whole EB and the system sucks. When you entered the second year, you realized that status quo is the best way to move forward.
• You have SPAMMED more than once in your life. And have also shown disgust at somebody else’s SPAM.
• You freeride most of the things yet bitch about other people in the group freeriding.
• You are convinced that DSE canteen's food is much better than Anna's. Although there is no evidence to prove the same. As HV would say "Food is just an alibi" :-)
• You are amazed at how can anybody else come from outside to eat at Anna's.
• You realize some things need to be changed. But when they do, you create a furore and dare the person who changed them.
• You have not seen the cover of most of the books of the subject you have already passed.
• Youre favorite game is "Farmville". After 9 0 clock, you play Status message Status message.
• You participate in every damn college competition. Even if it is an operations or an HR game and you are a hardcore finance person. Btw, you have kicked ass of other B schooler's before. :-)
• You do social work to build up CV points. Infact, you believe that the very reason for human existence is "collection of CV points”
• You are an absolute stud at google search.
• Your most often visited websites are uncyclopedia, fakingnews.com and facebook.com
• You feel Deepak bhaiyaa is the most important person on campus, particularly at the end of the semester.
• You are convinced marks are given by a random number generator
• You are not allowed to talk about the people in the corner room. (Even on such a useless blog) Although each of you has an opinion on them.
• No matter how busy you are, you will definitely find time to read such silly attempts of your batchmates.
• If this blog becomes too famous, media secy will screw me. :-)
PS 1: 2-3 points are straight copy paste from "You know you are in DCE community" on Facebook. I apologize for the plagiarism. But i dont think the concerned person will mind. I never said I am original.
PS 2 : Ok, the ideas mentioned might be slightly prejudistic in nature. But i dont really care.
PS 3: People please contribute further
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Why i quit studying and became a back bencher
After another disappointing result, I have decided to reveal the secret of why i quit studying. Now i know this is not something you want to know, but why the hell do i care. This is my space, and i can write wateva i want to.
Semester: III
Venue : JCB hostel, DCE
Occasion : A day before Power Apparatus Exam
I am sure the whole electrical engg deptt of 2k3 batch will distinctly remember this exam. For the uninitiated, the course was as follows -
1. Electrical Machines - PS Bhimbra - First 250 Pages
2. Transformers - JB Say - 10 pages
Now if you have read PS Bhimbra you would have noticed there is a very interesting phenomenon associated with the book. You understand everything when you read it for the first time. When you read it the second time, you realize that whateva you understood the first time was completely out of order. So you try the third time and this time you get a single concept. The fourth time second concept and so on.
I had already read Bhimbra once but was at that time unaware about the above formula. So i was feeling quite confident about the exam everyone was dreading. When i entered JCB 117 "Saxo's stinking room next to Toilet", i witnessed the scene and honestly "Sabki Fati padi thi". I thought i can at least do better than these guys tomoro. Obviously, the worse was waiting for me. As i started "revising" the second time i realized that i am in a worse soup than everybody else. Coz now i was in the phase of unlearning. As i raised doubts, Prakhar, kalla and Kakkar fought to clear those. Obviously the ghissus of the batch had by then finished the course a zillion times. Anyways after slogging for 14 hours of PS bhimbra like a madman, i managed to finish the entire chapter and went of to sleep feeling confident that i will manage atleast 10 out of 20.
When we got the paper the next day, it had just three questions, All from the 10 pages from JB Say. I remember discussing the different first reactions of students on seeing the paper. I am not a good enough writer to put those in words. After more than 14 hours of intensive studying my paper was over in 10 minutes. Stunned i was looking all around. It was a great solace to find even more stunned faces around. Only Rahul Kalia was smiling. He had obviously studied the 10 pages and was passing that 24 carat colgate smile to everyone. I really felt like kicking him right there.
I managed a grand score of 4/20. Saxo, Raj and Sinha were behind me. That was the day i realized there is no use of studying in DU. A lot of things depend on luck. Either you are a prakhar or Rahul who will be able to complete the entire course or you are a bank bencher.
From that fateful day, i have started relying on luck before every exam. Infact that did work for me once. In Fin Acc in First Sem FMS i managed 80. Obv, i did not deserve it. I hope i get more such luck in the last two semester of my DU life.
Some other notable things that happened that day -
1. Baba made that Legendary quote " T***e Short ho gaye". The quote is now a part of Bawana folklore and infact i heard someone quote it before our Management Accounting exam in FMS 2nd sem.
2. Sougata Roy was spotted studying for the first time on campus.
3. Kakkar lost 4Kgs making 10 runs at 50Km/hr from his room on 4th floor to the ground floor.
4. Kalra once again proved how harami he is. He had a pretty stupid Mechanics paper the next day in which he managed 18 odd. He rubbed it in the night dinner.
5. Prakhar Jain turned 19. God save the earth.
Semester: III
Venue : JCB hostel, DCE
Occasion : A day before Power Apparatus Exam
I am sure the whole electrical engg deptt of 2k3 batch will distinctly remember this exam. For the uninitiated, the course was as follows -
1. Electrical Machines - PS Bhimbra - First 250 Pages
2. Transformers - JB Say - 10 pages
Now if you have read PS Bhimbra you would have noticed there is a very interesting phenomenon associated with the book. You understand everything when you read it for the first time. When you read it the second time, you realize that whateva you understood the first time was completely out of order. So you try the third time and this time you get a single concept. The fourth time second concept and so on.
I had already read Bhimbra once but was at that time unaware about the above formula. So i was feeling quite confident about the exam everyone was dreading. When i entered JCB 117 "Saxo's stinking room next to Toilet", i witnessed the scene and honestly "Sabki Fati padi thi". I thought i can at least do better than these guys tomoro. Obviously, the worse was waiting for me. As i started "revising" the second time i realized that i am in a worse soup than everybody else. Coz now i was in the phase of unlearning. As i raised doubts, Prakhar, kalla and Kakkar fought to clear those. Obviously the ghissus of the batch had by then finished the course a zillion times. Anyways after slogging for 14 hours of PS bhimbra like a madman, i managed to finish the entire chapter and went of to sleep feeling confident that i will manage atleast 10 out of 20.
When we got the paper the next day, it had just three questions, All from the 10 pages from JB Say. I remember discussing the different first reactions of students on seeing the paper. I am not a good enough writer to put those in words. After more than 14 hours of intensive studying my paper was over in 10 minutes. Stunned i was looking all around. It was a great solace to find even more stunned faces around. Only Rahul Kalia was smiling. He had obviously studied the 10 pages and was passing that 24 carat colgate smile to everyone. I really felt like kicking him right there.
I managed a grand score of 4/20. Saxo, Raj and Sinha were behind me. That was the day i realized there is no use of studying in DU. A lot of things depend on luck. Either you are a prakhar or Rahul who will be able to complete the entire course or you are a bank bencher.
From that fateful day, i have started relying on luck before every exam. Infact that did work for me once. In Fin Acc in First Sem FMS i managed 80. Obv, i did not deserve it. I hope i get more such luck in the last two semester of my DU life.
Some other notable things that happened that day -
1. Baba made that Legendary quote " T***e Short ho gaye". The quote is now a part of Bawana folklore and infact i heard someone quote it before our Management Accounting exam in FMS 2nd sem.
2. Sougata Roy was spotted studying for the first time on campus.
3. Kakkar lost 4Kgs making 10 runs at 50Km/hr from his room on 4th floor to the ground floor.
4. Kalra once again proved how harami he is. He had a pretty stupid Mechanics paper the next day in which he managed 18 odd. He rubbed it in the night dinner.
5. Prakhar Jain turned 19. God save the earth.
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