(Another fakingnews kind of story dedicated to my roomie and hundreds of other guys who have not learnt anything from Pyaar Ka Punchnama. The content is extremely sexist and controversial. Reader discretion is advised.)
Faced with the colossal challenge of keeping new recruits awake during induction presentations many IT companies have decided to include superhit movie Pyaar Ka punchnama as part of the their induction programs. Induction programs which are scientifically designed to impart the necessary gyaan required to complete the transition from student to corporate life are most often treated by young recruits as a frivolous platform to identify their potential future brides (in case of guys) and best friends (read as faithful ****, in case of girls)
Raj Aryan, a senior HR at TCS told us that the movie although a comedy is grounded in reality. He said, “Every year I see hundreds of young boys getting “used” at IT companies. They get salary of one but end up working for 5. Frustrated, they either go to do an MBA or switch companies. We felt it was a necessary to pass such knowledge to new recruits. However, no matter how hard we tried they ended up sleeping in presentations. So when I saw PKP, I realized that this is the best way to communicate to the GenX. Despite its popularity, young graduates have conveniently forgotten the lessons the movie teaches us about life. I am saddened that even after one month of the release of the movie no union (as hinted by the lead actor in PKP) supporting the cause of single guys has come up. We are encouraging our new employees to create a facebook page supporting the cause. In addition, IT engineers at TCS are working on creating a self-check warning system where the popular song “Kutta” will automatically start playing if a male engineer dabbles into any module meant to be completed by any female colleague. “
However, not all employees were all that excited about the supposedly “fun” activity designed by the HR. Rahul, a fresh graduate from DCE said that he absolutely loved the movie but HR being HR asked us to make an overnight presentation on the topic “Learnings for young managers from PKP”. He accepted that the movie had its positive effects because the smoking hot chick XX in his group volunteered to help making the presentation. However, she had a last minute family emergency and had to leave. She came back in the morning and was made the lead presenter. Her presentation skills were appreciated by the senior management and she has been earmarked for the much coveted sales profile. Rahul on the other hand was ridiculed for his soporific dazed expression during the presentation.
PS 1 : In case you are a single guy and haven’t watched PKP, I implore you to watch it. The movie has the potential to attain a cult status reserved only for classics like Gunda or Andaz Apna Apna.
PS 2 : Frankie says relax now has a facebook page. In case you have liked any of the posts here, please like it( When it comes to marketing, i am shameless :-)) –
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Frankie-Says-Relax/229571017060319
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Monday, May 3, 2010
Tips to survive the Sena, MNS and Mumbai (Only for Delhites)
My Bschool life is over (hopefully) and I have decided to move on to some mature(read serious) writings from here on. Naah, just kidding!!
I will have to move to Mumbai, and considering my long held apprehensions of living in any city outside Delhi my next few entries might be dominated by the considerable switch that is going to happen in my life soon. Many of my friends from Delhi also have to shift to Mumbai and I thought being a Maharastrian who has lived 24 years of his life in Delhi I can give a lot of gyaan on the Do’s and Dont’s. Also there is the growing threat of MNS and Shiv Sena which is really threatening my North Indian friends. So here are a few pieces of advice from the great one to all my unfortunate friends who will have to live in the so called financial capital of the country.
1. Never attend a Maharastrian wedding. They are devoid of any music, DJ, Paneer, Ice cream and of course no drinks or chicken (I am very proud of the last two). You will be served a lavish meal of "Khichdi" in the lunch hours so that you are well prepared for the sumptuous dinner where the sweet dish is rasgulla. The only difference is that the rasgulla is missing. Yes right, it’s just the gravy (or whatever it is called). They call it Sudharas. Trust me; even we maharastrians are not very proud of it.
2. It is considered impolite to refer to people’s sisters and mothers in a casual conversation. I am obviously referring to the Bc and Mc’s we use so casually in any conversation. You are not supposed to start a conversation with the usual "Aur C****!! Kya haal hai". Even your local friends will take offence.
3. It’s ok to ask address or time to any by standing girl. She would not freak out or assume it to be creepy. If she tells you the address with a smile on her face, don’t get any foolish ideas. It does not mean she is interested. Also it is perfectly normal for single girls to be roaming outside at 10 -11 PM in the night. Don’t assume them to be ……(you know what).
4. Never address a stranger as “Bhaiyya”. Address an elder person as “Kaka” and others as “Dada”. Yes the same dada they use in Kolkata.
This one requires the maximum practice for a Delhite.
5. Maharastrians would not understand the difference between a Punjabi and a Sardar. Don’t try to explain it to them. It is exactly similar to explaining a North Indian the difference between a Tamil and a Telugu.
6. Marathi is derived from Sanskrit and is written in the same script as Hindi. It is thus much closer to Hindi than Punjabi. Therefore, Maharastrians pronunciations of Hindi words is much more refined and correct. No matter how strong your beliefs that the North Indian punjabinised versions like (Virender, Surender, Narender) are the right way to be pronounced, it is the Maharastrian version (Virendra, Surendra, Narendra) which is right one. So think very hard before you make fun of somebody’s pronunciation.
7. You can kiss goodbye to driving at speeds of above 60KmPH or enjoying a walk on an avenue. Mumbai does not have any roads wide enough to support any such leisure activities.
8. Mumbai local is a place where you can forget all the politeness and courteousness and be what we people are best at. Behaviour wise people are at their worst here. Also leaving your handkerchief on a seat means it becomes your seat. Don’t try to mess up with anybody and accept the rule.
9. Dadar is the headquarters of Shiv Sena. I know how strongly we feel about issues related to nationality and regional biases but it is perfectly advisable to reserve your opinion to yourself at this place. Obviously, it’s a different matter if you want to be a martyr or an India TV Case Study for a day.
10. If a taxi wallah tells you that he will charge by the meter, don’t be suspicious. In Mumbai, taxi and auto meters work perfectly fine and are not tampered with. To get into a taxi, you would have to stand in a line. Yes its correct, a line. And there would be no security guard to maintain the line but yet you have to follow it. It is not macho to break a line and girly to stand in one.
11. Mumbaikar’s favourite pastime is to malign Delhi for absolutely everything. Let them have their fun because they don’t know what they are doing. Also, its better to keep quite in an alien city. But yes, if they criticize the Metro please be a proud Delhite and give it back to them
12. Abhijeet Sawant, Vaishali Samant and Avdhoot Gupte are more popular singers than Daler Mehendi etc etc (I used etc because even I cannot remember any other Punjabi singer). And nobody would know who Gurdas Maan is.
13. There is always a young teenager in the Mumbai cricket team who everybody believes would be the next Sachin Tendulkar. It hasn’t happened in the past 15 years and is not going to happen ever. But respect the opinion. Sachin is GOD in the entire country and cricket is a religion. However in Mumbai, the frenzy is at another level. The madness is incomparable to anything else. Even if you reach here as a cricket virgin, you will become cricket crazy in two months flat.
14. Despite all the advice I give, in case MNS takes your case and beats you up and I am standing next to you - Don’t expect any help because we Maharastrians are normally very peaceful people and I would not like to get my hands dirty. I would just say I told you so:-)
15. Read Shantaram. It is a much better guide than this blog.
PS: I know 3-4 years down the line, Point number 1 is going to give me a lot of trouble. So I apologize to whomsoever it may concern right here right now.
PS2: The above was written based on only 2 months of internship experience. So expect large number of updates once I actually land up in the maximum city.
PS3: I have decided I am going to like Mumbai :-)
I will have to move to Mumbai, and considering my long held apprehensions of living in any city outside Delhi my next few entries might be dominated by the considerable switch that is going to happen in my life soon. Many of my friends from Delhi also have to shift to Mumbai and I thought being a Maharastrian who has lived 24 years of his life in Delhi I can give a lot of gyaan on the Do’s and Dont’s. Also there is the growing threat of MNS and Shiv Sena which is really threatening my North Indian friends. So here are a few pieces of advice from the great one to all my unfortunate friends who will have to live in the so called financial capital of the country.
1. Never attend a Maharastrian wedding. They are devoid of any music, DJ, Paneer, Ice cream and of course no drinks or chicken (I am very proud of the last two). You will be served a lavish meal of "Khichdi" in the lunch hours so that you are well prepared for the sumptuous dinner where the sweet dish is rasgulla. The only difference is that the rasgulla is missing. Yes right, it’s just the gravy (or whatever it is called). They call it Sudharas. Trust me; even we maharastrians are not very proud of it.
2. It is considered impolite to refer to people’s sisters and mothers in a casual conversation. I am obviously referring to the Bc and Mc’s we use so casually in any conversation. You are not supposed to start a conversation with the usual "Aur C****!! Kya haal hai". Even your local friends will take offence.
3. It’s ok to ask address or time to any by standing girl. She would not freak out or assume it to be creepy. If she tells you the address with a smile on her face, don’t get any foolish ideas. It does not mean she is interested. Also it is perfectly normal for single girls to be roaming outside at 10 -11 PM in the night. Don’t assume them to be ……(you know what).
4. Never address a stranger as “Bhaiyya”. Address an elder person as “Kaka” and others as “Dada”. Yes the same dada they use in Kolkata.
This one requires the maximum practice for a Delhite.
5. Maharastrians would not understand the difference between a Punjabi and a Sardar. Don’t try to explain it to them. It is exactly similar to explaining a North Indian the difference between a Tamil and a Telugu.
6. Marathi is derived from Sanskrit and is written in the same script as Hindi. It is thus much closer to Hindi than Punjabi. Therefore, Maharastrians pronunciations of Hindi words is much more refined and correct. No matter how strong your beliefs that the North Indian punjabinised versions like (Virender, Surender, Narender) are the right way to be pronounced, it is the Maharastrian version (Virendra, Surendra, Narendra) which is right one. So think very hard before you make fun of somebody’s pronunciation.
7. You can kiss goodbye to driving at speeds of above 60KmPH or enjoying a walk on an avenue. Mumbai does not have any roads wide enough to support any such leisure activities.
8. Mumbai local is a place where you can forget all the politeness and courteousness and be what we people are best at. Behaviour wise people are at their worst here. Also leaving your handkerchief on a seat means it becomes your seat. Don’t try to mess up with anybody and accept the rule.
9. Dadar is the headquarters of Shiv Sena. I know how strongly we feel about issues related to nationality and regional biases but it is perfectly advisable to reserve your opinion to yourself at this place. Obviously, it’s a different matter if you want to be a martyr or an India TV Case Study for a day.
10. If a taxi wallah tells you that he will charge by the meter, don’t be suspicious. In Mumbai, taxi and auto meters work perfectly fine and are not tampered with. To get into a taxi, you would have to stand in a line. Yes its correct, a line. And there would be no security guard to maintain the line but yet you have to follow it. It is not macho to break a line and girly to stand in one.
11. Mumbaikar’s favourite pastime is to malign Delhi for absolutely everything. Let them have their fun because they don’t know what they are doing. Also, its better to keep quite in an alien city. But yes, if they criticize the Metro please be a proud Delhite and give it back to them
12. Abhijeet Sawant, Vaishali Samant and Avdhoot Gupte are more popular singers than Daler Mehendi etc etc (I used etc because even I cannot remember any other Punjabi singer). And nobody would know who Gurdas Maan is.
13. There is always a young teenager in the Mumbai cricket team who everybody believes would be the next Sachin Tendulkar. It hasn’t happened in the past 15 years and is not going to happen ever. But respect the opinion. Sachin is GOD in the entire country and cricket is a religion. However in Mumbai, the frenzy is at another level. The madness is incomparable to anything else. Even if you reach here as a cricket virgin, you will become cricket crazy in two months flat.
14. Despite all the advice I give, in case MNS takes your case and beats you up and I am standing next to you - Don’t expect any help because we Maharastrians are normally very peaceful people and I would not like to get my hands dirty. I would just say I told you so:-)
15. Read Shantaram. It is a much better guide than this blog.
PS: I know 3-4 years down the line, Point number 1 is going to give me a lot of trouble. So I apologize to whomsoever it may concern right here right now.
PS2: The above was written based on only 2 months of internship experience. So expect large number of updates once I actually land up in the maximum city.
PS3: I have decided I am going to like Mumbai :-)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Why I love the IPL!!!!
After writing a few posts on MBA and student life, I am back to writing about the topic I love most – Cricket. I have read a large number of cartoons and blogs belittling the IPL and its overboard spending. Although sometimes even I feel that I am watching very little cricket in between all the adds but yet I love the IPL for various reasons that I wish to present here. You are entitled to your own opinion, but as I always say this is my space and I can write whatever I want to –
1 Purists say it will kill Test Cricket. I feel it is akin to makers of Rolls Royce being worried about Tata Nano’s launch. As any marketing student would tell you, Nike is never worried about counterfeits because a person buying a counterfeit will never buy an original. Similarly, a person who just loves the slam bam and glamour of TT cricket would never appreciate Rahul Dravid’s defense. Infact, TT would help in separating the masses from the classes. I personally absolutely hate watching cricket with ignorant experts who feel that chasing 400 in a test match on a last day is a walk in the park because you require only 4 RPO. Its great for the game if such people stay away from Test cricket. The biggest success of the IPL is that it has brought new viewers to the game. Thus it is only increasing the reach of the game we all love. Test cricket will stay, supported only by those who really understand the game and want to see a battle between bat and ball and not just boom boom afridi.
2. I love the IPL for the sake of the Rajat Bhatia’s & Mithun Manhas’s of the world. These are players who have toiled for years in the Indian domestic circuit playing in spite of empty stands, immense heat and dirty politics in return of no recognition and very little money. Probably, its only the love of the game, passion and a hope that drives them. Hope of recognition and success. Some people would argue that these players are unsuccessful and hence do not deserve this recognition. Considering that every young boy born in India after 1983 has atleast once in his life dreamt of becoming a cricket player and only a handful of them are lucky enough to play in the domestic circuit, these players are super successful. If cricket was like a CAT exam, they would be in the high 99.9 percentile zone. They surely deserved more credit than they used to get. For the sake of those players who have given it all in the domestic scene but are not able to make it to the international level because of luck or little lack of talent I love the IPL.
3. The earliest memory I have of cricket is England’s Tour of India in 1993 famous for a double hundred scored by a certain Vinod Kambli. The English wicketkeeper on that tour was some guy called blackey, because the main wicket keeper Alec Stewart simply refused to tour India. It was a norm during those days. Loads of English players had refused earlier tours either feigning injuries or citing personal reasons. These were the pre terrorism days and security was not an issue. Its amazing to think that the same country’s team decided to continue with the tour after one of the worst terrorist attacks in the world hit India. Quite obviously it was in the name of “WORLD PEACE”
And its not only the English. Australia’s great ambassador of peace who wants to resolve the racist attacks in Australia, ordered specially made food from Australia as late as the 98 tour. A well known joke running during those times was that Australians suffer from food poisoning just after hearing that the food that they were served was washed in tap water.
I am sure the same process is still followed. But suddenly, India is the place to play cricket. It is the center of the world. They say its because of the passion and the crowd support. Its baloney!! Indian crowds were as passionate in 80’s or the 90’s. Only one thing has changed and we all know what it is and i love the IPL for bringing out the splurge in the open and attracting the materialistic foreigners to my country.
4. Richie Benaud in an interview quoted a young Australian batsman whose ultimate dream was to play in the IPL. He did not mention the baggie green. He wanted to play the IPL. Sign of the future perhaps!!
Because it sells million dollar dreams to many young cricketers around the world and particularly in India, I love the IPL.
5. Some boards feel that it will destroy the game in other countries because the boards don’t have enough money to keep their players and they would go into retirement to play in the IPL. Why should India be worried about the same. All the other Indian sports have suffered because of the exact same reason, and it is not India’s prerogative to look after other boards and their concerns. We are a nation that is large enough and strong enough to run our own sport, even if others suddenly stop playing. If baseball can have a world series played in a single country, cricket can also have an all powerful league.
India has ruled the game of cricket for the past ten years and IPL is just a show of strength. Unfortunately, our team has not been the best in the world and hence we needed another kind of reminder to the world that it is India who rules the game. I know the views are slightly strong but I just love the IPL – not necessarily for the cricket (because I am a purist :-)) but for what it represents.
1 Purists say it will kill Test Cricket. I feel it is akin to makers of Rolls Royce being worried about Tata Nano’s launch. As any marketing student would tell you, Nike is never worried about counterfeits because a person buying a counterfeit will never buy an original. Similarly, a person who just loves the slam bam and glamour of TT cricket would never appreciate Rahul Dravid’s defense. Infact, TT would help in separating the masses from the classes. I personally absolutely hate watching cricket with ignorant experts who feel that chasing 400 in a test match on a last day is a walk in the park because you require only 4 RPO. Its great for the game if such people stay away from Test cricket. The biggest success of the IPL is that it has brought new viewers to the game. Thus it is only increasing the reach of the game we all love. Test cricket will stay, supported only by those who really understand the game and want to see a battle between bat and ball and not just boom boom afridi.
2. I love the IPL for the sake of the Rajat Bhatia’s & Mithun Manhas’s of the world. These are players who have toiled for years in the Indian domestic circuit playing in spite of empty stands, immense heat and dirty politics in return of no recognition and very little money. Probably, its only the love of the game, passion and a hope that drives them. Hope of recognition and success. Some people would argue that these players are unsuccessful and hence do not deserve this recognition. Considering that every young boy born in India after 1983 has atleast once in his life dreamt of becoming a cricket player and only a handful of them are lucky enough to play in the domestic circuit, these players are super successful. If cricket was like a CAT exam, they would be in the high 99.9 percentile zone. They surely deserved more credit than they used to get. For the sake of those players who have given it all in the domestic scene but are not able to make it to the international level because of luck or little lack of talent I love the IPL.
3. The earliest memory I have of cricket is England’s Tour of India in 1993 famous for a double hundred scored by a certain Vinod Kambli. The English wicketkeeper on that tour was some guy called blackey, because the main wicket keeper Alec Stewart simply refused to tour India. It was a norm during those days. Loads of English players had refused earlier tours either feigning injuries or citing personal reasons. These were the pre terrorism days and security was not an issue. Its amazing to think that the same country’s team decided to continue with the tour after one of the worst terrorist attacks in the world hit India. Quite obviously it was in the name of “WORLD PEACE”
And its not only the English. Australia’s great ambassador of peace who wants to resolve the racist attacks in Australia, ordered specially made food from Australia as late as the 98 tour. A well known joke running during those times was that Australians suffer from food poisoning just after hearing that the food that they were served was washed in tap water.
I am sure the same process is still followed. But suddenly, India is the place to play cricket. It is the center of the world. They say its because of the passion and the crowd support. Its baloney!! Indian crowds were as passionate in 80’s or the 90’s. Only one thing has changed and we all know what it is and i love the IPL for bringing out the splurge in the open and attracting the materialistic foreigners to my country.
4. Richie Benaud in an interview quoted a young Australian batsman whose ultimate dream was to play in the IPL. He did not mention the baggie green. He wanted to play the IPL. Sign of the future perhaps!!
Because it sells million dollar dreams to many young cricketers around the world and particularly in India, I love the IPL.
5. Some boards feel that it will destroy the game in other countries because the boards don’t have enough money to keep their players and they would go into retirement to play in the IPL. Why should India be worried about the same. All the other Indian sports have suffered because of the exact same reason, and it is not India’s prerogative to look after other boards and their concerns. We are a nation that is large enough and strong enough to run our own sport, even if others suddenly stop playing. If baseball can have a world series played in a single country, cricket can also have an all powerful league.
India has ruled the game of cricket for the past ten years and IPL is just a show of strength. Unfortunately, our team has not been the best in the world and hence we needed another kind of reminder to the world that it is India who rules the game. I know the views are slightly strong but I just love the IPL – not necessarily for the cricket (because I am a purist :-)) but for what it represents.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
P&G thanks HUL for free publicity
The recent RIN advertisement has certainly created a buzz in the country. A research conducted by a marketing research firm ABCL confirmed that the ad was the most discussed topic on Holi. Useless blogger communities are back in business – putting in posts analyzing the ad and its impact on masses. Some communist writers are of the opinion that such ads are a result of the growing Americanization of India and should be banned immediately. Opposition parties are also planning to stage a walk out over the issue.
However, when reporters of various sensational Hindi news channels contacted P&G for some angry reactions, they were in for a surprise. P&G officials are extremely excited by the latest developments. They are elated because for the first time HUL has recognized P&G as a threat. This is in recognition of all the efforts that we have put over the past few years said a P&G employee. Nirma and Ghadi are two of the biggest detergent brands in India and always considered as a potential threat to HUL domination. Despite P&G’s efforts, Ariel and Tide have always been laggards bought only by people having a fascination for buying phoren goods. One junior P&G manager told us ‘’We were taught Nirma case study in Bschool. Nobody talked about Tide or Ariel. Now they would teach Tide vs Rin at my alma mater. I might be invited for some fruitful discussions. Having received a lot of attitude from industry experts during my placecom days it will be my chance to throw some back. Thank you HUL. “
Another employee gleaming with joy reasoned “My girlfriend’s dad thought I worked for some gambling casino. I can now proudly tell him, I sell Tide. “
Marketing experts believe that the main reason for Proctor’s excitement is because of the fact that they could have never matched HUL’s advertising expenses. And now they have got some free advertising. With prime time rates sky high in the holiday season, there is nothing better than your rival advertising for you.
This is surely a time to rejoice and merry making for Proctor and Gamble employees.
PS: The credits of this post to my boredom at FMS and ankur kalra, the P&G employee talked about.
However, when reporters of various sensational Hindi news channels contacted P&G for some angry reactions, they were in for a surprise. P&G officials are extremely excited by the latest developments. They are elated because for the first time HUL has recognized P&G as a threat. This is in recognition of all the efforts that we have put over the past few years said a P&G employee. Nirma and Ghadi are two of the biggest detergent brands in India and always considered as a potential threat to HUL domination. Despite P&G’s efforts, Ariel and Tide have always been laggards bought only by people having a fascination for buying phoren goods. One junior P&G manager told us ‘’We were taught Nirma case study in Bschool. Nobody talked about Tide or Ariel. Now they would teach Tide vs Rin at my alma mater. I might be invited for some fruitful discussions. Having received a lot of attitude from industry experts during my placecom days it will be my chance to throw some back. Thank you HUL. “
Another employee gleaming with joy reasoned “My girlfriend’s dad thought I worked for some gambling casino. I can now proudly tell him, I sell Tide. “
Marketing experts believe that the main reason for Proctor’s excitement is because of the fact that they could have never matched HUL’s advertising expenses. And now they have got some free advertising. With prime time rates sky high in the holiday season, there is nothing better than your rival advertising for you.
This is surely a time to rejoice and merry making for Proctor and Gamble employees.
PS: The credits of this post to my boredom at FMS and ankur kalra, the P&G employee talked about.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Afridi pledges to take revenge on Sachin
Ok, This one is inspired by fakingnews. My dedication to the great
Pakistan's dashing all rounder Shahid Afridi has pledged that he will take revenge from Sachin Tendulkar. Afridi believes that Sachin's record breaking 200 not out was an insult to Pakistan because it broke Saeed anwar's long standing record and its a matter of pride for the nation. Afridi believes that it is no big deal to score a double hundred in one dayers and he can do it in double quick time. He was supported by Javed Miandad, the former Pakistan coach - " Afridi once scored a 100 in 37 balls. (After doing some tuff mental calculations)So he needs a mere 64 deliveries to complete 200. Its only a small matter of him surviving that long" Afridi, who has been 26 years of age for the past 6 years definitely has age on his side. Rashid Latif, another former Pakistan captain reasoned " The boy has atleast 20 years of cricket left in him, he can surely break the record". Last heard the Pakistani defence minister has issued a warning to all Pakistani players that they should break the record within the next year otherwise their salaries will be cut. Yasir Arafat, a young cricketer said "Thats great news, that atleast means we will be getting our salaries"
Tony Grieg, disagreeing to the above comments has said that it will be a Sri Lankan who will break the record. Geoffery Boycott, who had once famously commented that it would be impossible for anybody to get 100 in one day cricket was not available for any comment. However, his Facebook status message read "Missing the days of West Indian fast bowlers"
Ricky Ponting congratulated Sachin on his achievement but was quick to comment that an australian will never score a double hundred in a ODI because they always put the team first. Ricky debated that if a player scores such records it makes the other players in the team jealous and hence hampers the unity of the team. Infact, he has issued a diktat to all aussies to retire hurt after scoring 180. He says that only the captain deserves the right to create records because his integrity cannot be questioned and he is a man of principles.
Also reported, Zimbabwe board was trying to call Afghanistan, Kenya and Bermuda teams for a tour in a feeble attempt to restore the only record held by a zimbabwean. "Chris Coventry is a great player who is extremely underrated. We want to prove that he is as good as Brian Lara and we would go all lengths to ensure that like Lara, Coventry also regains the record which he richly deserves" ZCU president Lualua said in press conference.
Pakistan's dashing all rounder Shahid Afridi has pledged that he will take revenge from Sachin Tendulkar. Afridi believes that Sachin's record breaking 200 not out was an insult to Pakistan because it broke Saeed anwar's long standing record and its a matter of pride for the nation. Afridi believes that it is no big deal to score a double hundred in one dayers and he can do it in double quick time. He was supported by Javed Miandad, the former Pakistan coach - " Afridi once scored a 100 in 37 balls. (After doing some tuff mental calculations)So he needs a mere 64 deliveries to complete 200. Its only a small matter of him surviving that long" Afridi, who has been 26 years of age for the past 6 years definitely has age on his side. Rashid Latif, another former Pakistan captain reasoned " The boy has atleast 20 years of cricket left in him, he can surely break the record". Last heard the Pakistani defence minister has issued a warning to all Pakistani players that they should break the record within the next year otherwise their salaries will be cut. Yasir Arafat, a young cricketer said "Thats great news, that atleast means we will be getting our salaries"
Tony Grieg, disagreeing to the above comments has said that it will be a Sri Lankan who will break the record. Geoffery Boycott, who had once famously commented that it would be impossible for anybody to get 100 in one day cricket was not available for any comment. However, his Facebook status message read "Missing the days of West Indian fast bowlers"
Ricky Ponting congratulated Sachin on his achievement but was quick to comment that an australian will never score a double hundred in a ODI because they always put the team first. Ricky debated that if a player scores such records it makes the other players in the team jealous and hence hampers the unity of the team. Infact, he has issued a diktat to all aussies to retire hurt after scoring 180. He says that only the captain deserves the right to create records because his integrity cannot be questioned and he is a man of principles.
Also reported, Zimbabwe board was trying to call Afghanistan, Kenya and Bermuda teams for a tour in a feeble attempt to restore the only record held by a zimbabwean. "Chris Coventry is a great player who is extremely underrated. We want to prove that he is as good as Brian Lara and we would go all lengths to ensure that like Lara, Coventry also regains the record which he richly deserves" ZCU president Lualua said in press conference.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Why i quit studying and became a back bencher
After another disappointing result, I have decided to reveal the secret of why i quit studying. Now i know this is not something you want to know, but why the hell do i care. This is my space, and i can write wateva i want to.
Semester: III
Venue : JCB hostel, DCE
Occasion : A day before Power Apparatus Exam
I am sure the whole electrical engg deptt of 2k3 batch will distinctly remember this exam. For the uninitiated, the course was as follows -
1. Electrical Machines - PS Bhimbra - First 250 Pages
2. Transformers - JB Say - 10 pages
Now if you have read PS Bhimbra you would have noticed there is a very interesting phenomenon associated with the book. You understand everything when you read it for the first time. When you read it the second time, you realize that whateva you understood the first time was completely out of order. So you try the third time and this time you get a single concept. The fourth time second concept and so on.
I had already read Bhimbra once but was at that time unaware about the above formula. So i was feeling quite confident about the exam everyone was dreading. When i entered JCB 117 "Saxo's stinking room next to Toilet", i witnessed the scene and honestly "Sabki Fati padi thi". I thought i can at least do better than these guys tomoro. Obviously, the worse was waiting for me. As i started "revising" the second time i realized that i am in a worse soup than everybody else. Coz now i was in the phase of unlearning. As i raised doubts, Prakhar, kalla and Kakkar fought to clear those. Obviously the ghissus of the batch had by then finished the course a zillion times. Anyways after slogging for 14 hours of PS bhimbra like a madman, i managed to finish the entire chapter and went of to sleep feeling confident that i will manage atleast 10 out of 20.
When we got the paper the next day, it had just three questions, All from the 10 pages from JB Say. I remember discussing the different first reactions of students on seeing the paper. I am not a good enough writer to put those in words. After more than 14 hours of intensive studying my paper was over in 10 minutes. Stunned i was looking all around. It was a great solace to find even more stunned faces around. Only Rahul Kalia was smiling. He had obviously studied the 10 pages and was passing that 24 carat colgate smile to everyone. I really felt like kicking him right there.
I managed a grand score of 4/20. Saxo, Raj and Sinha were behind me. That was the day i realized there is no use of studying in DU. A lot of things depend on luck. Either you are a prakhar or Rahul who will be able to complete the entire course or you are a bank bencher.
From that fateful day, i have started relying on luck before every exam. Infact that did work for me once. In Fin Acc in First Sem FMS i managed 80. Obv, i did not deserve it. I hope i get more such luck in the last two semester of my DU life.
Some other notable things that happened that day -
1. Baba made that Legendary quote " T***e Short ho gaye". The quote is now a part of Bawana folklore and infact i heard someone quote it before our Management Accounting exam in FMS 2nd sem.
2. Sougata Roy was spotted studying for the first time on campus.
3. Kakkar lost 4Kgs making 10 runs at 50Km/hr from his room on 4th floor to the ground floor.
4. Kalra once again proved how harami he is. He had a pretty stupid Mechanics paper the next day in which he managed 18 odd. He rubbed it in the night dinner.
5. Prakhar Jain turned 19. God save the earth.
Semester: III
Venue : JCB hostel, DCE
Occasion : A day before Power Apparatus Exam
I am sure the whole electrical engg deptt of 2k3 batch will distinctly remember this exam. For the uninitiated, the course was as follows -
1. Electrical Machines - PS Bhimbra - First 250 Pages
2. Transformers - JB Say - 10 pages
Now if you have read PS Bhimbra you would have noticed there is a very interesting phenomenon associated with the book. You understand everything when you read it for the first time. When you read it the second time, you realize that whateva you understood the first time was completely out of order. So you try the third time and this time you get a single concept. The fourth time second concept and so on.
I had already read Bhimbra once but was at that time unaware about the above formula. So i was feeling quite confident about the exam everyone was dreading. When i entered JCB 117 "Saxo's stinking room next to Toilet", i witnessed the scene and honestly "Sabki Fati padi thi". I thought i can at least do better than these guys tomoro. Obviously, the worse was waiting for me. As i started "revising" the second time i realized that i am in a worse soup than everybody else. Coz now i was in the phase of unlearning. As i raised doubts, Prakhar, kalla and Kakkar fought to clear those. Obviously the ghissus of the batch had by then finished the course a zillion times. Anyways after slogging for 14 hours of PS bhimbra like a madman, i managed to finish the entire chapter and went of to sleep feeling confident that i will manage atleast 10 out of 20.
When we got the paper the next day, it had just three questions, All from the 10 pages from JB Say. I remember discussing the different first reactions of students on seeing the paper. I am not a good enough writer to put those in words. After more than 14 hours of intensive studying my paper was over in 10 minutes. Stunned i was looking all around. It was a great solace to find even more stunned faces around. Only Rahul Kalia was smiling. He had obviously studied the 10 pages and was passing that 24 carat colgate smile to everyone. I really felt like kicking him right there.
I managed a grand score of 4/20. Saxo, Raj and Sinha were behind me. That was the day i realized there is no use of studying in DU. A lot of things depend on luck. Either you are a prakhar or Rahul who will be able to complete the entire course or you are a bank bencher.
From that fateful day, i have started relying on luck before every exam. Infact that did work for me once. In Fin Acc in First Sem FMS i managed 80. Obv, i did not deserve it. I hope i get more such luck in the last two semester of my DU life.
Some other notable things that happened that day -
1. Baba made that Legendary quote " T***e Short ho gaye". The quote is now a part of Bawana folklore and infact i heard someone quote it before our Management Accounting exam in FMS 2nd sem.
2. Sougata Roy was spotted studying for the first time on campus.
3. Kakkar lost 4Kgs making 10 runs at 50Km/hr from his room on 4th floor to the ground floor.
4. Kalra once again proved how harami he is. He had a pretty stupid Mechanics paper the next day in which he managed 18 odd. He rubbed it in the night dinner.
5. Prakhar Jain turned 19. God save the earth.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Mumbai facts
Now that I have decided to continue with the blog, I will start with a few facts that Mumbai people inherently believe in –
1. Mumbai is the cleanest city in India. (Perhaps that’s why people sleep on the street itself)
2. All north Indians are SOB’s with no ethics. (Have you heard the names Raj and Bal thackery)
3. Delhi is a city full of goons and pickpockets. (It is a different matter that somebody stole my phone. Obviously it must have been a north Indian)
4. All marathis must support Mumbai Indians. When I told them in fluent Marathi that I am die hard Delhi daredevils fan, the shock on their faces was priceless
5. Ajinkya Rahane is the best young batsmen in India. (I hope he turns out to be )
6. Mumbai players cannot get selected in the Indian team unless they are as good as Sachin. Obviously they have conveniently forgotten the pain Ajit agarkar and Wasim Jaffer have inflicted on Indian cricket fans.
7. Mumbai Local is as good as Delhi Metro. (Oh God!! Please forgive them, they don’t know what they are saying)
8. “Kanda”, “Batata” and “Ghai” are Hindi words. (lol)
9. Mumbai is the financial capital of india. (That’s why they are the host to the biggest slum in India)
And now the last one which has caused me the most pain.
10. There is no concept of MRP (More on this one later. But did I hear all goons are in delhi )
1. Mumbai is the cleanest city in India. (Perhaps that’s why people sleep on the street itself)
2. All north Indians are SOB’s with no ethics. (Have you heard the names Raj and Bal thackery)
3. Delhi is a city full of goons and pickpockets. (It is a different matter that somebody stole my phone. Obviously it must have been a north Indian)
4. All marathis must support Mumbai Indians. When I told them in fluent Marathi that I am die hard Delhi daredevils fan, the shock on their faces was priceless
5. Ajinkya Rahane is the best young batsmen in India. (I hope he turns out to be )
6. Mumbai players cannot get selected in the Indian team unless they are as good as Sachin. Obviously they have conveniently forgotten the pain Ajit agarkar and Wasim Jaffer have inflicted on Indian cricket fans.
7. Mumbai Local is as good as Delhi Metro. (Oh God!! Please forgive them, they don’t know what they are saying)
8. “Kanda”, “Batata” and “Ghai” are Hindi words. (lol)
9. Mumbai is the financial capital of india. (That’s why they are the host to the biggest slum in India)
And now the last one which has caused me the most pain.
10. There is no concept of MRP (More on this one later. But did I hear all goons are in delhi )
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