Friday, December 9, 2011

Why Mr Kapil Sibal is so fucking awesome!!!

At the outset, I would like to make it amply clear that this is an attempt to pander to the government because I am sure they will some how succeed in arm-twisting google and Facebook into taking some drastic actions(like allowing only pro Congress blogs in searches). Once they do it, I want my blog to be among the top most hits. Considering how not to so net savy our politicians are, they might appoint me as the chief blogger of the Congress party. I would definitely do a better job than Mr Manish Tiwari does on Television or what Mr Shashi Tharoor does on twitter.

Now coming to the point that has caused so much furor in last few days among my peers. I would like to play Devil’s advocate here and try to look into the positives that come out of Mr Sibal’s suggestion of censoring Gmail and FB –

1. Mr Sibal, the great visionary that he is, understands that US and Europe are passé. The future of the world is in the hands of the Chinese and OPEC countries. To convince these governments that Indians are suitable allies the government has to showcase tyranny to their dictatorial counterparts. Dictators of the Middle East can never trust a true democracy which respects feeble and unimportant issues like Freedom of Speech. Such steps will help India to procure cheap oil and cheap Chinese products in the future. Also, this will bring the Communist back to the UPA and we can hope for a stable government post 2014.

2. Thanks to facebook, India’s stupid idiot common man has started debating matters of national importance. Consider FDI in retail. Sadly, over the past one month Indian Parliament is the only place where no “intellectual” debate has happened on this topic. Clearly, this undermines the position that the Indian Parliament enjoys as the pre-eminent symbol of Indian democracy. The slogan “Keep hungry, Keep Foolish” has worked brilliantly for the Indian Government for 5 decades and maintained peace. Mango people must get back to discussing Bollywood and Cricket. There is no place for politics in their life.

3. Facebook is badly hurting the Indian economy. All sub-standard products like RA-One get caught up immediately. I cancelled my plan of watching the movie on Saturday because hours after its release as my facebook wall was flooded with reviews. Just imagine how many dollars the government loses when such feedback is posted about the services of Air India and other sarkari firms. The world of You Tube is flooded with videos of government inefficiency and misdemeanors. They must go down asap, otherwise the “foreign” private companies will gobble up the navratnas and we will become a colony again. (How?? Don’t ask me. That’s what I heard on television as discussed by our elite politicians)

Of course there is a potential downside to every issue which Mr Sibal understands. In this case the lazy facebook generation might just decide to switch off their laptops and vote on election day. But then he realizes that the only alternate they have is the BJP(lol, rofl on that). One can write a three part LOTR kind of book series to talk about their (mis)adventures. So overall, the idea of banning facebook works perfectly well for the Queen Mother and Prince of India. God Save the Queen. (Oops, do we have that post in a democracy?? Well I am not sure).

PS1: People if you liked the article, please pass it on to Mr Sibal. I would be interested in working for him.

PS2: Like Sheldon Cooper, even google cannot understand sarcasm. So advice to all, in case you want to criticize the government, lets be sarcastic. They will never catch us.