Friday, July 30, 2010

The different styles of sleeping – During a presentation

Uptill this point all my posts on freeriding were based on my experiences at FMS, but now my scope is wider and the future posts would be inspired (read copy pasted) from the entire gamut – IIM A,B, C, XL (Sorry but i dare not think beyond ****) etc. I would like to thank my esteemed company for giving me this unique opportunity to continue my research on freeriding while being at the job. They have ensured that the cut throat corporate life would not stop me from completing my PHD on the topic.
Anyways coming to the latest gyaan issue –

All of us have to suffer the enormous task of sitting through 1000 boring ppts one after the another. Somehow by design or by luck most of these ppts are following a super lavish company sponsored lunch at a fine dining location. How then can we – hard(ly) working MBA’s not stop ourselves from sleeping around (I apologize for the intentional grammatical error). We all know its downright rude to sleep in a ppt, afterall what goes around comes around. And we MBA’s are everything but rude.
After talking to a lot of senior and experienced people I realized that the ppts are held to train us in the art of sleeping without being noticed. I have learnt a few techniques which I would love to share with all of you.

1. The most commonly used technique by smart alec’s is the one where they complain they are unable to view the ppt because a strategically located electric bulb is shining on the screen. Invariably this bulb is located right above the smart alec’s head and he promptly requests someone to switch it off. This puts the subject in the dark and hence he can sleep peacefully thereafter in the entire show. However, this technique is really old and smart MBA speakers of the last century do not fall for it.

2. The nodder – These super smart people have the unique talent of nodding after every bout of sleep. Each time they fall down from their sleep they nod heavily with some grunts like “ya” and “yes yes” to pretend that they are actually listening with attention. This pleases the speaker because he is fooled to believe that people are following him.

3. The Manoj Kumar way (Thinking pose) – This is I think the most stylish way to sleep inside a ppt hall. You hide your eyes and give an expression as if you are engrossed in deep thinking. The speaker would feel you are really impressed by his idea and doing some serious analysis of the issue being discussed.

4. If you are not really bothered by aesthetics, you can use the way I very successfully use. Keep your spectacles really dirty and keep them so low that the border of the spects is in direct eye line from the speaker. This will ensure your speaker is unable to look at your eyes directly.

5. The most diehard way that I found in the research was that followed by one of my batchmates in FMS. He used to sleep in the entire ppt, wake up, ask a question and then go off to sleep again. Initially, I was amazed at the dare devilry but later realized it is a technique which only a super smart ass MBA can follow. There are a few generic questions you can ask in every god damn ppt whatever the ppt may be. For example – “What are your future plans”, “How do you plan to expand the current business opportunities”, “Are you looking for diversification in your business”

After thinking long and hard, I realized that although the above 5 techniques are good but they only cater to the stated objective of not getting caught sleeping inside a ppt hall. The best technique must do something extra (just the way our company wants us to be. Afterall we are from premier ******). And then I discovered this legendary technique where the subject not only manages to evade getting caught, he actually impresses the speaker into believing that the subject is THE most diligent and hard working subjects of all. So here it goes –

Remember to take a notepad and a pen(even one which is not working) with you to the lecture hall. Now as soon as the speaker starts talking start scribbling(or just pretend to scribble). Very soon you will fall to sleep but your position would be such that the speaker will feel that you are making notes of all the points. He will never bother to ask you any questions and rate you as the best amongst the entire lot because trust me you will be the only one even attempting to write down anything in the entire hall.

PS: All the above techniques are pretty to safe to use(Tried and tested by experts) until my blog becomes super popular which is pretty safe to assume is not a short term phenomenon.