Saturday, September 24, 2011

Speedy Singh – A Movie Review

Yes I know, Movie Review is not my thing and I should never write one. But Speedy Singh is such a remarkable piece of fiction that I was inspired to write this post. Moreover, it is a sports movie so I do qualify to write a post.

Statutory Warning
Carrying your brain along to Speedy Singh can be injurious to your brain so viewer discretion is advised.

Speedy Singh Side Affect

After watching the movie, I have decided to fulfill my childhood ambition of playing cricket at the highest level. For this, I need to set up an IPL team. Finding players will obviously not be a problem. There will be many interested in playing at the highest level. In case you have the passion and the drive to achieve something big in life (cricketing ability is strictly optional) please ping me your email id. I will soon get in touch with you.

Further my team needs –

1. A struggling coach – There must be plenty available ex-cricketers in the market.
2. A hot chick who is a lawyer cum doctor cum consultant cum analyst cum sports physiologist. This is probably the toughest to execute but I guess we can manage.
3. A super rich loser in life whose dad will sponsor our kits and training schedule. West Delhi has abundant supply of such species too.

The above matched with 2-3 song dance routines around Delhi Monuments and 1-2 inspirational lectures should be enough to set us up. Watch out for “WestDelhi Wonderboys” in the next year’s IPL. We can at least beat Delhi Daredevils.

Now coming to the actual movie, I will summarize as usual in bullet points (no Gas on my blog :D) –

1. Speedy Singh is a copy pasted remixed version of all the classics like Goal(Newcastle one), Invictus, Chak De India, Bend it like Beckham and even the not so classic ones like Goal(John Abraham one) and Patiala House. All the best scenes have been re-created with a little bit of Punjabi flavor to add spice to the original ones. Watch this one and you can claim to have watched all the other ones.
In case you have already seen all those, still go and watch this. For 2 hours you can pretend to be a wizard by predicting verbatim the next scene.

2. If you get offended by Russell Peters racist slurs you must have a copy of the movie in your video library. His role is embarrassing and downright classless. So the next time he offends you go away and watch the re run of Speedy Singh. You will enjoy a hearty laugh – Not at his jokes but on him.
Russell fans can be excited because I expect a whole 2-3 hours stand-up comedy session to be released very soon dedicated only to Bollywood movies and Indian marriages. After all it is important for him to regain his image back.

3. I never knew that leagues in Canada have Sardar commentators and people flock in front of radios to hear (yes hear) a local league match. To make it more exciting, the director has successfully shot some scenes that are almost impossible to occur in real life Ice hockey matches. We get to see Rugby and kabaddi (Yes, I am not kidding) tackles and even football like excitement where the striker hits the puck from half line and the defender clears it off the goal line by a last ditch tackle. Where the hell the goal keeper was is an answer I will never know. But then I have to accept my knowledge of Ice Hockey is minimal. May be in Ice hockey the goal keeper time to time joins the strikers to make up the extra man in attack or he is just allowed to go on a pee break between the game.

4. Some of the jokes like “Oye Jaddu, tune fir pad mara”, the pre goal (yes, pre goal) celebrations and the ridiculous helmets reminded me of my childhood and Cartoon Network. We used to crack similar jokes when we used to play the local street games in Class III. Speedy Singh takes you back to your childhood once again. Ah what a bliss, that nostalgic feeling.

5. The movie provides a lesson that even douche bags like Sreesanth, Joey Barton and Yuvraj Singh have a chance to improve. Because the "Star" of Speedy Singh takes attitude to another level. Despite being a nobody, he has the attitude of a Christiano Ronaldo. But just one match ban suffices to change him and he comes back in the final to help his team win. I hope Duncan Fletcher, Niel Warnock and Fabio Capello pick up something watching Speedy Singh.

Now I know to properly evaluate a movie you need a rating. So on Gunda’s Scale of awesomeness where 10 Gunda is equal to the perfect movie I will rate the movie at a 8 Gunda.

PS: Trust me, I am not of those who thinks he has wasted 250Rs on a movie and then wants others to face a similar fate. The above appreciation was truly genuine.

PS2: Unfortunately, some of my friends were hell bent on staging a walk out mid way and by the end, the theater was almost empty. Sadly, true art has never been appreciated in India. So in case you are one of those who does appreciate humor, please go ahead and watch the movie in a theater with your engineer college’s chichora gang.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The great tragedy of being a "Nice Guy" in Delhi

This is in response to one of those umpteen posts being shared on facebook which ridicules Delhi boys for being assholes. It might be extremely difficult to believe but there are indeed some perfectly nice gentlemen living in Delhi. There have been protests, candle night marches, facebook communities deriding all kinds of stereotypes but this is one stereotype that has stood the test of time without anyone raising a voice. Imagine what a nice guy in Delhi goes through when his own sister or best friend puts on her wall – “All Delhi men are losers, assholes etc”. So at the outset I would like to declare to all the folks around the world in SRK style –
“Dear All, I am a Delhi Guy and I am not a rapist” (I feel all guys in Delhi should put this as their Status Messages as a sign of protest )

What no one understands is that being a nice guy in Delhi is a damn difficult task. At every point in their life such guys have to suffer humiliation and indignation. A polite, gentle, chivalrous guy will most likely be branded as a wuss very early in his life. And after that his entire life is a struggle.
In case some guy is stupid enough to give his seat to a lady in metro out of genuine goodness, he will have to hear backbiting in not so repressed voices – “Sala, ladki ko impress kar raha hai”. To avoid this most nice guys stay miles away from the ladies section of the Metro Compartment or the left side of DTC buses. This means all the females only encounter the “Not so nice” people standing near them. Parochial in their viewpoint, the ladies generalize and “rape every guy’s character”.

Because of the “Delhi image”, the nice one’s tend to overcompensate by being over polite. Somehow they feel that the entire burden of enhancing the image of the city is on their shoulders. I remember I have missed my bus stop many times because of some girl with headphones blocking my path to the door. Of course she was too busy to hear me and I was too polite to touch her. I know of a friend who controlled his nature calls for two hours because he was sitting on the window seat of the airplane with two chicks sitting to his left. Had he tried to go, the girls would have given him “Die, You cheapster” look. Damn, all the niceness!!

Another baseless accusation against Delhi boys is that they abuse a lot. I know that they use BC, MC in almost every sentence but ask anyone who uses it and he will tell you that “Oh BC” is a major stress reliever. I have never understood why a person using the Fword is considered cool while the one using the Bword a vernacular. Its all down to our imperial hangover. Harvard, Wharton or any other American B school should do a research(Only they have time for such stupid researches. Indian Bschoolers prefer social work :D)and compare the stress reliving powers of the two words and I am sure Bc will win hands down over the English counterpart. So next time some guy exclaims “Oh BC!! You are looking amazing” in front of you please consider it as a very genuine compliment, one coming from the bottom of the heart.

Apart from the apathy towards females, Delhi people are also blamed of being cold on Delhi Roads. What people must know is that almost all of the cab and bus drivers hail from the neighboring H State. And that state is most famous for producing Olympic Wrestling Champions. Need I say more??? When you hit a car or commit an accident on Delhi Roads, YOU RUN, and Not wait for the opposing driver to come up and smash your windscreen. Years ago, I was travelling with my friend and he hit a biker. Instinctively, I tried to come out and help the biker. My friend pulled me back into the car and fled. I had missed the quickly gathering mob comprising solely of bus and cab drivers. Even today my friends pull my leg and have a good laugh at my stupidity. Unfortunately, I have to agree to their opinion.