Saturday, September 17, 2011

The great tragedy of being a "Nice Guy" in Delhi

This is in response to one of those umpteen posts being shared on facebook which ridicules Delhi boys for being assholes. It might be extremely difficult to believe but there are indeed some perfectly nice gentlemen living in Delhi. There have been protests, candle night marches, facebook communities deriding all kinds of stereotypes but this is one stereotype that has stood the test of time without anyone raising a voice. Imagine what a nice guy in Delhi goes through when his own sister or best friend puts on her wall – “All Delhi men are losers, assholes etc”. So at the outset I would like to declare to all the folks around the world in SRK style –
“Dear All, I am a Delhi Guy and I am not a rapist” (I feel all guys in Delhi should put this as their Status Messages as a sign of protest )

What no one understands is that being a nice guy in Delhi is a damn difficult task. At every point in their life such guys have to suffer humiliation and indignation. A polite, gentle, chivalrous guy will most likely be branded as a wuss very early in his life. And after that his entire life is a struggle.
In case some guy is stupid enough to give his seat to a lady in metro out of genuine goodness, he will have to hear backbiting in not so repressed voices – “Sala, ladki ko impress kar raha hai”. To avoid this most nice guys stay miles away from the ladies section of the Metro Compartment or the left side of DTC buses. This means all the females only encounter the “Not so nice” people standing near them. Parochial in their viewpoint, the ladies generalize and “rape every guy’s character”.

Because of the “Delhi image”, the nice one’s tend to overcompensate by being over polite. Somehow they feel that the entire burden of enhancing the image of the city is on their shoulders. I remember I have missed my bus stop many times because of some girl with headphones blocking my path to the door. Of course she was too busy to hear me and I was too polite to touch her. I know of a friend who controlled his nature calls for two hours because he was sitting on the window seat of the airplane with two chicks sitting to his left. Had he tried to go, the girls would have given him “Die, You cheapster” look. Damn, all the niceness!!

Another baseless accusation against Delhi boys is that they abuse a lot. I know that they use BC, MC in almost every sentence but ask anyone who uses it and he will tell you that “Oh BC” is a major stress reliever. I have never understood why a person using the Fword is considered cool while the one using the Bword a vernacular. Its all down to our imperial hangover. Harvard, Wharton or any other American B school should do a research(Only they have time for such stupid researches. Indian Bschoolers prefer social work :D)and compare the stress reliving powers of the two words and I am sure Bc will win hands down over the English counterpart. So next time some guy exclaims “Oh BC!! You are looking amazing” in front of you please consider it as a very genuine compliment, one coming from the bottom of the heart.

Apart from the apathy towards females, Delhi people are also blamed of being cold on Delhi Roads. What people must know is that almost all of the cab and bus drivers hail from the neighboring H State. And that state is most famous for producing Olympic Wrestling Champions. Need I say more??? When you hit a car or commit an accident on Delhi Roads, YOU RUN, and Not wait for the opposing driver to come up and smash your windscreen. Years ago, I was travelling with my friend and he hit a biker. Instinctively, I tried to come out and help the biker. My friend pulled me back into the car and fled. I had missed the quickly gathering mob comprising solely of bus and cab drivers. Even today my friends pull my leg and have a good laugh at my stupidity. Unfortunately, I have to agree to their opinion.