Thursday, February 25, 2010

Afridi pledges to take revenge on Sachin

Ok, This one is inspired by fakingnews. My dedication to the great

Pakistan's dashing all rounder Shahid Afridi has pledged that he will take revenge from Sachin Tendulkar. Afridi believes that Sachin's record breaking 200 not out was an insult to Pakistan because it broke Saeed anwar's long standing record and its a matter of pride for the nation. Afridi believes that it is no big deal to score a double hundred in one dayers and he can do it in double quick time. He was supported by Javed Miandad, the former Pakistan coach - " Afridi once scored a 100 in 37 balls. (After doing some tuff mental calculations)So he needs a mere 64 deliveries to complete 200. Its only a small matter of him surviving that long" Afridi, who has been 26 years of age for the past 6 years definitely has age on his side. Rashid Latif, another former Pakistan captain reasoned " The boy has atleast 20 years of cricket left in him, he can surely break the record". Last heard the Pakistani defence minister has issued a warning to all Pakistani players that they should break the record within the next year otherwise their salaries will be cut. Yasir Arafat, a young cricketer said "Thats great news, that atleast means we will be getting our salaries"

Tony Grieg, disagreeing to the above comments has said that it will be a Sri Lankan who will break the record. Geoffery Boycott, who had once famously commented that it would be impossible for anybody to get 100 in one day cricket was not available for any comment. However, his Facebook status message read "Missing the days of West Indian fast bowlers"

Ricky Ponting congratulated Sachin on his achievement but was quick to comment that an australian will never score a double hundred in a ODI because they always put the team first. Ricky debated that if a player scores such records it makes the other players in the team jealous and hence hampers the unity of the team. Infact, he has issued a diktat to all aussies to retire hurt after scoring 180. He says that only the captain deserves the right to create records because his integrity cannot be questioned and he is a man of principles.

Also reported, Zimbabwe board was trying to call Afghanistan, Kenya and Bermuda teams for a tour in a feeble attempt to restore the only record held by a zimbabwean. "Chris Coventry is a great player who is extremely underrated. We want to prove that he is as good as Brian Lara and we would go all lengths to ensure that like Lara, Coventry also regains the record which he richly deserves" ZCU president Lualua said in press conference.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The guide to become the ultimate free rider

Having almost completed my super successful MBA, I have decided to do what every good senior does. Pass on the gyaan. Unfortunately, with an expertise of lazying around and free riding I don’t really have any gyaan to pass on. So I have decided to pass on the knowledge in which I have complete expertise – FREERIDING. This blog will be beneficial to people who cannot delegate work properly and unfortunately end up doing almost all work themselves. I hope it changes a few lives.

About the Author
It is very important to establish the credentials of the author before following any such gyaan capsules. So here are a few facts establishing the authenticity of the post.
The author was one of the founding members of the Chillsoc society at FMS. He is the self proclaimed president of SPAMSOC. He has 2 years of extensive experience of working along with the most shameless, faceless, useless free riders at FMS. Before FMS, author received training for 4 years in the hinterlands of bawana, a place notorious for producing the best people in this business.

Few Facts of freeriding
1. Since you have managed to find time to read this, you have the basic ingredients of being a good free rider.
2. Remember great freeriders are never accused of being a free rider. If somebody starts accusing you of being one, eventually your luck will run out and you would have to start working.
3. Whenever you get a chance accuse others of freeriding. This creates a false impression that you are working hard.
4. Free riders need to have great interpersonal skills and brilliant communications skills. It also completely kills their ego. So don’t be embarrassed – Freeriding helps you in improving your personality.
5. Trust your teammates. This is the most important ingredient in forming any team. Trust them to do good quality work which would ensure good internal marks even for you. Without trust you will have the unnecessary urge of cross checking, revising the work which would lead to waste of your valuable energy and resources.
6. If you freeride, nobody would ever accuse you of presenting shoddy work.

The guide

So here are a few tidbits on how to successfully freeride an entire semester. Make sure you follow the exact steps in every semester but on different people.

1. Be present on the first day of the class. This is the day the groups are formed and be atleast 10 minutes early to the class.

2. Sit right next to the most studious girl in the class. Yes, girl is important because even if she finds out your ulterior motives she would spare your mother and sisters and also be sensitive enough not to insult you in front of other girls.

3. Indulge in a conversation before the class on the lines of how important the subject is and how much you want to study the subject. This will create an impression that you are really looking forward to study the subject.

4. Groups are generally formed at the end of the class. The most common size is 6-7. The girl next to you would generally have a default group of 3-4 already decided. You be a NICE guy and suggest another group of 3-4 hard working students and team them up.

5. In the most ideal situation, let the sub groups be such that you are the only one who is very comfortable talking to all people in the group. This will effectively make you the CEO of the group. And as you know in a team CEO works the least.

6. If you are able to find a group where a geeky guy wants to impress a geeky girl, boss you just won a lottery. NEVER leave such a group (Should i explain more :-)). Unfortunately, it is easier said that done. This is precisely the reason one should be aware about all the gossip going around in class. Hence, Free riding also improves your general knowledge.

7. Contrary to popular opinion, NEVER have the same group for two different subjects/events/competitions etc. This ensures that you will be able to freeride all events, other wise work will be shared and you will have to do some of it.

8. Start a chain mail 4-5 days before the final deadline asking the group to start contributing on the topic. Trust me, nobody is going to reply to the mail for the next 2 days. At the end of the two days, send a mail abusing the entire group of lack of seriousness and free riding.

9. If your image has taken slight hit (because of earlier freeriding) google the topic and copy paste the first 2 links and send in the mail. Nobody is going to bother to check the source, and would feel you are really doing some work.

10. Ego massage the hardest working person in the group. Generally, this is the breed of people (Commonly known as geeks, but i wont insult them) who need an outlet to talk. Be that outlet. Tell them how you are the only one working on the project in the other group. Show concern, tell them how much you want to help them but how helpless you are because of the useless group you have in the other subject.

11. Dont worry, they dont really need your help. But please ensure you offer help. Continue to bitch about others in the group.

12. Dont be too active on facebook, gmail etc 2 days before a submission. Out of sight is generally out of mind. Your team mates might just forget about your presence.

These were just a few pointers to become a legend. I have always kept my blog an open forum and you are free to share more ideas. I am open to make the necessary changes.