Disclaimer 1: If you want to get into an intellectual debate, please go elsewhere. I have too low an IQ to get into one.
Disclaimer 2: If you are a marketing major looking for some GAS, Dude get a life. Or like my boss says, Get a GF – you will learn everything there is to know about marketing.
Disclaimer 3: Like all posts on this blog, take this post seriously at your own peril.
Reading my blog, I am embarrassed at the lack of content. So this time I decided to come up with a post that is perfectly aligned to my career mission and vision (GAS lol, rofl). Now whenever I have read or heard some corporate honcho talking about marketing they always start with the cliché – “We proved all management theories wrong and created our own story”. I wonder if all successful products and companies proved the theories wrong, why are we forced to study these theories in the first place. Chuck it, it’s a different debate all together.
I pondered hard on few of the most successful Indian campaigns I have seen in recent history and tried to come up with a list of the best. So here is the list of my top 5 (in reverse chronological order)-
5. JK Super Cement – “Vishwaas hai isme kuch khaas hai” – I am sure all you perverts remember this ad. Just in case you don’t, here is it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCczkV972eo
I am sure Sigmund Freud had an Indian lineage. Otherwise we wouldn’t have produced such revolutionary ads. This threw all marketing concepts of using emotional connect (sexual appeal) for only low involvement products out of the window. This campaign simplified interpretation of all marketing concepts and summed up into one single simple solution – Get a struggling super hot model in bikini, buy cricketing ad slots and your campaign is a hit.
4. Zandu Balm – Has there ever been a better example of subliminal advertising in history than this?? Even though they deny it, I am sure Zandu sponsored it. “Munni Badnaam hui” has ensured that whenever a guy is in some distress, he will remember Zandu Balm. Sales figures revealed that Zandu Balm sales rose immediately after the release of the song. As soon as the song started to fizzle out, Zandu in a token gesture sued the movie makers to keep the song in news for a month longer than it should have. I seriously hope that Kotler recognizes this campaign and “Munni” gets its place in all future Kotler editions, a place it richly deserves.
3. Hakim Usmani – This is easily the best example of Out of Home mass advertising. While most OOH campaigns are never noticed, you would have seen or read this campaign even as a 10 year old. Using dilapidated houses besides railway tracks meant that they have one of the world’s highest No of views to investment ratios. (Unfortunately, my friends are not as sporting as me and would have some real mean comments about this one. Therefore, I would not comment any further. Use your own jurisdiction)
2. IIPM – Love him or hate him, you have to concede that IIPM is brilliant at one thing – marketing. It has achieved any marketing god’s dream – Selling an inferior product at a huge premium. It has transformed the “My dad is an ATM, I am cool (read as loser)” generation into “My dad is an ATM, I am an MBA (now an educated loser)” Few things I really like about IIPM are –
• It has decreased the gap between the haves and have-nots. Now UP’s desi lala can tell his munim (CA) – “Arre kaha aapne apne bête ko MBA karne Kozhikode bhej dia, Mera beta to Delhi mai MBA kar raha hai. Use free laptop bhi mila. Uske college ka bhi naam kuch II karke hi hai”
• Being a sort of wannabe quizzer myself, I am delighted that IIPM has brought fun back to Business Quizzing. Have you seen how gay the quizmasters of other institutes are??? They will show you someone’s underwear, two random logos, a male model and ask you to connect the pics. The worst part is that you will find people answering such questions.
So what if Sharukh cannot answer the question, Connect – KKR, Red Chillies, Circus and Baazigar. Atleast he brings the oomph factor to quizzing. There were more girls at IIPM quiz “show” than the number of girls combined in all other quizzes(atleast 1000) I have been to.
Obviously there are questions about ethics, authenticity etc but I am not going to question it. Being masters of marketing, I am sure IIPM ads would be appearing next to my blog which will help me earn 1 or 2 dollars. And I will (just like TOI, NDTV and all other media channels) never say anything against somebody who is bringing me revenue.
1. India TV – Great Management thinkers always talk about “Identifying your TG and positioning your product to suit their whims.” Obviously, they have not seen India TV. India TV has managed to do what no other product has achieved in history. It has managed to be present in more than two categories at once. For a large portion of the country it is a news channel, for others it is the televised version of fakingnews.com, for few other publicity hungry youngsters it is a sure shot way of coming on television. Imagine a youngster who is not good looking has no singing or acting talent but wants to star on a reality show. He can simply call India TV and they will help him create some news. I am sure Pagal Patrakar (from the fakingnews fame) gets 90% of his ideas from India TV. Arindam Chaudhari “fans” will argue that IIPM should have been at number 1 position but I would like to end with the India TV headline that sealed the top spot for India TV.
On the day of the royal wedding when all channels were busy showing the mundane wedding India TV ran a special 30 min show with the title - “Kya Kate Prince William ke liye dhood ka glass layengi??”
I guess that rests my case.
PS 1: The only reason i wrote this was to change my resume point to "Marketing Blogger" from just "blogger" Might help in getting more shortlist :D
Showing posts with label MBA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MBA. Show all posts
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The Tragedy of being 25+ in an Indian BSchool
One of my DCE friends(2007 batch) has got into IIM this year and the poor soul is extremely excited about this screw up. The mean streak in me has decided to convince him that the world of Bschools is not that kind for the 25+ community coming in. So in case you are one of those, please look away, you are not going to like the reality check that is going to follow.
If you are an aspirant with heavy workex walking into a Bschool after slogging in the IT sector for years, you are most likely to have the following dreams -
• Investment Banking or a FMCG marketing job
• Having fun in a class with more than 33% girls. (For an engineer, it is like living a dream). Some of you might even have aspirations of finding your life partner at a Bschool.
• And most importantly – Huge packages and the future of a classy lifestyle.
On the last day of office you tell your boss and everybody around – “Fuck you IT, I will never return”. And then this is what happens to you –
• You will be nicknamed “Dada”, “Grandpa”, “buddha”, “Baba”, “Oldie” on the very first day of college. Mean freshers(like me) do it to eliminate you from the battle for the cutest female. Ignore them, you cannot help it. Get used to your nickname; it will now stick with you for a lifetime.
• In the first 15 days of hell (known as induction), you will be harassed by some senior whom you ragged when he was your junior in graduation. He will take strong revenge for all your misdemeanors in engineering college and you will regret being a bully as a senior.
• 80% of the 33% girls you are excited about would be at least 4-5 years younger than you. They will at best treat you like ANNA (elder brother) if not uncle.
• 99.99% of the 5% girls of your age would already be committed, married or engaged. The balance 0.01% are single because of a reason. (Use your own judgment to guess why. I refrain from making any racist/sexist/biased comments on my blog)
• In the initial days, you will arrogantly smirk at the global, far from reality “gaseous viewpoints” - your stupid younger classmates have. Very soon you will realize that only such “gas” points are appreciated in the Bschool world.
• Being the most experienced and by that logic most responsible guy in the batch you will be given all the “Non CV point” responsibilities like escorting drunk guys(only guys) back from party, arranging all fun trips and then haggling with the bus driver about the route when the other irresponsible kids are having fun in the back.
• Going back to classes would be extremely difficult after 4-5 years of working. Because despite all the fun, there is a whole lot of studying that happens in classes. Unless, you are a ghissu of the highest order you will most often end up at the bottom rung in academic ladder. And this will end any hope you had of getting an I-bank shortlist.
• If you were one of those irritated by office politics and wanted to run away from it by getting into a BSchool, you are screwed. BSchool politics will put to shame, even the worst of Politicians. Every institute has its own Karunanidhi(commonly known as the “Placement Secretary”) and its DMK family. My sincere advice is to become his family’s Dayanidhi Maran in the first year itself.
• Two years is a long time, the really pretty super cute girl in the next building will be married by the time you come out of “college”. She will call you informing you about the news this way – “You know, I had a crush on you. But then my parents were forcing me to get married and you went to complete your MBA. I could not have waited for 2 years. But now I am happy. "Insert name of any guy you hate" is a nice guy. Not an MBA like you, but still I am very happy. IT engineer settled in US etc.”
• Banks and FMCG companies will conveniently ignore you because of your age. (Wait, which other companies come on campus. Don’t worry, desi group companies & IT companies would definitely give you a shortlist :-))
• You will be married or engaged months after your studies. So in effect, your bachelor life with assured monthly cash flows is effectively over the day you walk out of your current job.
• Perhaps the most damaging one – When you come out of a Bschool you will most probably end up in Mumbai (THE most expensive city in the world) with no bank balance, fresher at a job with an enormous bank loan (unless you were at FMS of course :)) to pay at the ripe old age of 27. And all this after having lived a completely fun filled life in Gurgaon, Hyderabad or Bangalore at less than half the salary packages pre MBA.
Can it get any worse???
PS: Dedicated to all my friends who went to B school as a 25 year old.
PPS: If you are a 25 something heading into a Bschool, please don’t take this article too seriously. I am just kidding. Wish you all the best for your MBA.
If you are an aspirant with heavy workex walking into a Bschool after slogging in the IT sector for years, you are most likely to have the following dreams -
• Investment Banking or a FMCG marketing job
• Having fun in a class with more than 33% girls. (For an engineer, it is like living a dream). Some of you might even have aspirations of finding your life partner at a Bschool.
• And most importantly – Huge packages and the future of a classy lifestyle.
On the last day of office you tell your boss and everybody around – “Fuck you IT, I will never return”. And then this is what happens to you –
• You will be nicknamed “Dada”, “Grandpa”, “buddha”, “Baba”, “Oldie” on the very first day of college. Mean freshers(like me) do it to eliminate you from the battle for the cutest female. Ignore them, you cannot help it. Get used to your nickname; it will now stick with you for a lifetime.
• In the first 15 days of hell (known as induction), you will be harassed by some senior whom you ragged when he was your junior in graduation. He will take strong revenge for all your misdemeanors in engineering college and you will regret being a bully as a senior.
• 80% of the 33% girls you are excited about would be at least 4-5 years younger than you. They will at best treat you like ANNA (elder brother) if not uncle.
• 99.99% of the 5% girls of your age would already be committed, married or engaged. The balance 0.01% are single because of a reason. (Use your own judgment to guess why. I refrain from making any racist/sexist/biased comments on my blog)
• In the initial days, you will arrogantly smirk at the global, far from reality “gaseous viewpoints” - your stupid younger classmates have. Very soon you will realize that only such “gas” points are appreciated in the Bschool world.
• Being the most experienced and by that logic most responsible guy in the batch you will be given all the “Non CV point” responsibilities like escorting drunk guys(only guys) back from party, arranging all fun trips and then haggling with the bus driver about the route when the other irresponsible kids are having fun in the back.
• Going back to classes would be extremely difficult after 4-5 years of working. Because despite all the fun, there is a whole lot of studying that happens in classes. Unless, you are a ghissu of the highest order you will most often end up at the bottom rung in academic ladder. And this will end any hope you had of getting an I-bank shortlist.
• If you were one of those irritated by office politics and wanted to run away from it by getting into a BSchool, you are screwed. BSchool politics will put to shame, even the worst of Politicians. Every institute has its own Karunanidhi(commonly known as the “Placement Secretary”) and its DMK family. My sincere advice is to become his family’s Dayanidhi Maran in the first year itself.
• Two years is a long time, the really pretty super cute girl in the next building will be married by the time you come out of “college”. She will call you informing you about the news this way – “You know, I had a crush on you. But then my parents were forcing me to get married and you went to complete your MBA. I could not have waited for 2 years. But now I am happy. "Insert name of any guy you hate" is a nice guy. Not an MBA like you, but still I am very happy. IT engineer settled in US etc.”
• Banks and FMCG companies will conveniently ignore you because of your age. (Wait, which other companies come on campus. Don’t worry, desi group companies & IT companies would definitely give you a shortlist :-))
• You will be married or engaged months after your studies. So in effect, your bachelor life with assured monthly cash flows is effectively over the day you walk out of your current job.
• Perhaps the most damaging one – When you come out of a Bschool you will most probably end up in Mumbai (THE most expensive city in the world) with no bank balance, fresher at a job with an enormous bank loan (unless you were at FMS of course :)) to pay at the ripe old age of 27. And all this after having lived a completely fun filled life in Gurgaon, Hyderabad or Bangalore at less than half the salary packages pre MBA.
Can it get any worse???
PS: Dedicated to all my friends who went to B school as a 25 year old.
PPS: If you are a 25 something heading into a Bschool, please don’t take this article too seriously. I am just kidding. Wish you all the best for your MBA.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The guide to crack any B school interview
Today is the second anniversary of the day I lost my ego. After 7 rejections within 24 hours and 3 more 1.5 years later, I have become an absolute master at cracking any interview :-). So it is my duty to share the wisdom I have acquired through my predicament.
I decided to start with the very reason you should trust my inputs.
Never seek advice from a person who cracked the company
Imagine you are someone who has gassed his way into a Day 0 company. Now a junior comes to seek advice from you. Since you are a nice guy, you would never turn the junior away in disappointment. You will obviously tell him what he wants to hear. You will tell him how the company asked you high level fundas and business questions which you cracked with ease. You will tell him about your awesome CV,the competitions you won in the 2 years and the NGO work you did.
Perhaps, now you know NEVER seek advice from such people. Ask those who couldn’t make it through to get a glimpse of the harsh reality. So here are a few magical insights into the big bad world of B school placements
Treat companies like a girl
The most important thing in cracking a company is to treat it like a girl. I have seen that people who are smooth with girls are most often the ones who crack the most sought after companies. Remember the golden rule - All HR’s are from XL, XL girls are hot, All hot girls are dumb and dumb girls love flattering.
A person got through a leading FMCG company after coming up with this ridiculous pick up line – “ Mam, when I was 4 months old the first thing my mom gave me to eat was Product Y. Right from that day itself (Company X) has become my dream company. “ (Company and Product name removed because some paranoid Bschoolers believed my blog could hamper their placements. The best complement i have ever recieved :P)
TAS
If you manage to keep yourself awake throughout the 1.5hr HR GD process (a very difficult task, mind you), you are bound to get a shortlist for the PI. Just keep repeating words like “Ethics, values, people’s value” after every 5 minutes.
In the interview, try to be innovative when you want to display your values and social work. You really need to come up with some weird and interesting examples to satisfy their inherent need to hear goodness in this world.
For example – Suppose you molested a girl and then accepted the fact in public, TAS will treat you as a person with high moral values because you were brave enough to accept your mistake.
P&G
P&G is one company that has institutionalized “gassing” as we all know it. I think P&G India needs to constantly explain P&G worldwide on why HUL is kicking their ass in the country. For this they need speakers who can eloquently confuse any panel in the presentation. Have you ever given an exam where you knew the questions that would be asked? P&G will be that exam. Unfortunately only few will get through. P&G selections are naturals. As they say “Greatness and gassing can never be coached”
Weird as it may sound but having Gassy names (like – Yatindra vijaywargiya, Chimney, Shantakumaram Parthsarthi )gives you an edge in P&G interviews.
Investment Banks
To get into an I Bank you need to prove to them that you are one hopeless workaholic. You need to show them that you are the kind of person who has no friends, is likely to be divorced within a year of marriage, has no interests or hobbies in life, is always whining and smiled the last time when he was a 5 year old.
Only such people can survive the hard core 20 hour a day work schedule of I banks.
Huh, and you thought it is an awesome CV that takes you into an I bank
You are a hot girl
In case you are a hot girl, choose your options very wisely. Select the 2-3 companies you want to get into and then apply only in those. You don’t want to wreck other careers.
Day 3 Day 4 Types
Unknown multinationals (those with operations in India, Bangladesh and Bhutan) like “Chilly Filly” and Indian FMCG minors like Chintoo Candies are the most intriguing. They do not in any way believe that they are inferior to the companies mentioned above. Even they would ask questions like “Why do you want to join Chintoo Candies?” etc. Now here is a tailor made answer for you –
“Sir, HUL P&G and ITC etc are already well penetrated into the entire market. Chintoo candies are in a mode of expansion (See how slyly you put across the point that you have no existence). The kind of opportunities and new challenges I will get at Chintoo candies is incomparable to any place else”
M&M
Mahindra and Mahindra’s selection process is scientifically designed. The long GD process brings out the best amongst all candidates in terms of content as well as values. Without creating a fish market every candidate gets the best opportunity to showcase his talent. The interview process too is extremely conceptual, based on a pattern very similar to IIT JEE. This has helped M&M to always recruit the best candidates from all campuses. (Confused?? Read the point no 1 again)
PS:
If you are an XL girl (Probability – 0.00001%) – See I called you hot :P
If you are Anand Mahindra (Probability – 0.0000000001%) – Sir, I was given a PPI. Still waiting for the interview
If you are a company HR (Probability – 0.001%) – All views and characters mentioned in the post are that of the author (some freeriding sid fellow) and I take no responsibility for his actions.
If you are a hot girl(Probability – 0.000000000000000000000001%) – Your entire breed has always given me a damn, now I give you a damn. Ukhaad lo jo ukhaadna hai :P
Serious PS: To be read with your sense of humour caps on. To those who do not have one are as it is denied entry to my blog :P
I decided to start with the very reason you should trust my inputs.
Never seek advice from a person who cracked the company
Imagine you are someone who has gassed his way into a Day 0 company. Now a junior comes to seek advice from you. Since you are a nice guy, you would never turn the junior away in disappointment. You will obviously tell him what he wants to hear. You will tell him how the company asked you high level fundas and business questions which you cracked with ease. You will tell him about your awesome CV,the competitions you won in the 2 years and the NGO work you did.
Perhaps, now you know NEVER seek advice from such people. Ask those who couldn’t make it through to get a glimpse of the harsh reality. So here are a few magical insights into the big bad world of B school placements
Treat companies like a girl
The most important thing in cracking a company is to treat it like a girl. I have seen that people who are smooth with girls are most often the ones who crack the most sought after companies. Remember the golden rule - All HR’s are from XL, XL girls are hot, All hot girls are dumb and dumb girls love flattering.
A person got through a leading FMCG company after coming up with this ridiculous pick up line – “ Mam, when I was 4 months old the first thing my mom gave me to eat was Product Y. Right from that day itself (Company X) has become my dream company. “ (Company and Product name removed because some paranoid Bschoolers believed my blog could hamper their placements. The best complement i have ever recieved :P)
TAS
If you manage to keep yourself awake throughout the 1.5hr HR GD process (a very difficult task, mind you), you are bound to get a shortlist for the PI. Just keep repeating words like “Ethics, values, people’s value” after every 5 minutes.
In the interview, try to be innovative when you want to display your values and social work. You really need to come up with some weird and interesting examples to satisfy their inherent need to hear goodness in this world.
For example – Suppose you molested a girl and then accepted the fact in public, TAS will treat you as a person with high moral values because you were brave enough to accept your mistake.
P&G
P&G is one company that has institutionalized “gassing” as we all know it. I think P&G India needs to constantly explain P&G worldwide on why HUL is kicking their ass in the country. For this they need speakers who can eloquently confuse any panel in the presentation. Have you ever given an exam where you knew the questions that would be asked? P&G will be that exam. Unfortunately only few will get through. P&G selections are naturals. As they say “Greatness and gassing can never be coached”
Weird as it may sound but having Gassy names (like – Yatindra vijaywargiya, Chimney, Shantakumaram Parthsarthi )gives you an edge in P&G interviews.
Investment Banks
To get into an I Bank you need to prove to them that you are one hopeless workaholic. You need to show them that you are the kind of person who has no friends, is likely to be divorced within a year of marriage, has no interests or hobbies in life, is always whining and smiled the last time when he was a 5 year old.
Only such people can survive the hard core 20 hour a day work schedule of I banks.
Huh, and you thought it is an awesome CV that takes you into an I bank
You are a hot girl
In case you are a hot girl, choose your options very wisely. Select the 2-3 companies you want to get into and then apply only in those. You don’t want to wreck other careers.
Day 3 Day 4 Types
Unknown multinationals (those with operations in India, Bangladesh and Bhutan) like “Chilly Filly” and Indian FMCG minors like Chintoo Candies are the most intriguing. They do not in any way believe that they are inferior to the companies mentioned above. Even they would ask questions like “Why do you want to join Chintoo Candies?” etc. Now here is a tailor made answer for you –
“Sir, HUL P&G and ITC etc are already well penetrated into the entire market. Chintoo candies are in a mode of expansion (See how slyly you put across the point that you have no existence). The kind of opportunities and new challenges I will get at Chintoo candies is incomparable to any place else”
M&M
Mahindra and Mahindra’s selection process is scientifically designed. The long GD process brings out the best amongst all candidates in terms of content as well as values. Without creating a fish market every candidate gets the best opportunity to showcase his talent. The interview process too is extremely conceptual, based on a pattern very similar to IIT JEE. This has helped M&M to always recruit the best candidates from all campuses. (Confused?? Read the point no 1 again)
PS:
If you are an XL girl (Probability – 0.00001%) – See I called you hot :P
If you are Anand Mahindra (Probability – 0.0000000001%) – Sir, I was given a PPI. Still waiting for the interview
If you are a company HR (Probability – 0.001%) – All views and characters mentioned in the post are that of the author (some freeriding sid fellow) and I take no responsibility for his actions.
If you are a hot girl(Probability – 0.000000000000000000000001%) – Your entire breed has always given me a damn, now I give you a damn. Ukhaad lo jo ukhaadna hai :P
Serious PS: To be read with your sense of humour caps on. To those who do not have one are as it is denied entry to my blog :P
Friday, July 30, 2010
The different styles of sleeping – During a presentation
Uptill this point all my posts on freeriding were based on my experiences at FMS, but now my scope is wider and the future posts would be inspired (read copy pasted) from the entire gamut – IIM A,B, C, XL (Sorry but i dare not think beyond ****) etc. I would like to thank my esteemed company for giving me this unique opportunity to continue my research on freeriding while being at the job. They have ensured that the cut throat corporate life would not stop me from completing my PHD on the topic.
Anyways coming to the latest gyaan issue –
All of us have to suffer the enormous task of sitting through 1000 boring ppts one after the another. Somehow by design or by luck most of these ppts are following a super lavish company sponsored lunch at a fine dining location. How then can we – hard(ly) working MBA’s not stop ourselves from sleeping around (I apologize for the intentional grammatical error). We all know its downright rude to sleep in a ppt, afterall what goes around comes around. And we MBA’s are everything but rude.
After talking to a lot of senior and experienced people I realized that the ppts are held to train us in the art of sleeping without being noticed. I have learnt a few techniques which I would love to share with all of you.
1. The most commonly used technique by smart alec’s is the one where they complain they are unable to view the ppt because a strategically located electric bulb is shining on the screen. Invariably this bulb is located right above the smart alec’s head and he promptly requests someone to switch it off. This puts the subject in the dark and hence he can sleep peacefully thereafter in the entire show. However, this technique is really old and smart MBA speakers of the last century do not fall for it.
2. The nodder – These super smart people have the unique talent of nodding after every bout of sleep. Each time they fall down from their sleep they nod heavily with some grunts like “ya” and “yes yes” to pretend that they are actually listening with attention. This pleases the speaker because he is fooled to believe that people are following him.
3. The Manoj Kumar way (Thinking pose) – This is I think the most stylish way to sleep inside a ppt hall. You hide your eyes and give an expression as if you are engrossed in deep thinking. The speaker would feel you are really impressed by his idea and doing some serious analysis of the issue being discussed.
4. If you are not really bothered by aesthetics, you can use the way I very successfully use. Keep your spectacles really dirty and keep them so low that the border of the spects is in direct eye line from the speaker. This will ensure your speaker is unable to look at your eyes directly.
5. The most diehard way that I found in the research was that followed by one of my batchmates in FMS. He used to sleep in the entire ppt, wake up, ask a question and then go off to sleep again. Initially, I was amazed at the dare devilry but later realized it is a technique which only a super smart ass MBA can follow. There are a few generic questions you can ask in every god damn ppt whatever the ppt may be. For example – “What are your future plans”, “How do you plan to expand the current business opportunities”, “Are you looking for diversification in your business”
After thinking long and hard, I realized that although the above 5 techniques are good but they only cater to the stated objective of not getting caught sleeping inside a ppt hall. The best technique must do something extra (just the way our company wants us to be. Afterall we are from premier ******). And then I discovered this legendary technique where the subject not only manages to evade getting caught, he actually impresses the speaker into believing that the subject is THE most diligent and hard working subjects of all. So here it goes –
Remember to take a notepad and a pen(even one which is not working) with you to the lecture hall. Now as soon as the speaker starts talking start scribbling(or just pretend to scribble). Very soon you will fall to sleep but your position would be such that the speaker will feel that you are making notes of all the points. He will never bother to ask you any questions and rate you as the best amongst the entire lot because trust me you will be the only one even attempting to write down anything in the entire hall.
PS: All the above techniques are pretty to safe to use(Tried and tested by experts) until my blog becomes super popular which is pretty safe to assume is not a short term phenomenon.
Anyways coming to the latest gyaan issue –
All of us have to suffer the enormous task of sitting through 1000 boring ppts one after the another. Somehow by design or by luck most of these ppts are following a super lavish company sponsored lunch at a fine dining location. How then can we – hard(ly) working MBA’s not stop ourselves from sleeping around (I apologize for the intentional grammatical error). We all know its downright rude to sleep in a ppt, afterall what goes around comes around. And we MBA’s are everything but rude.
After talking to a lot of senior and experienced people I realized that the ppts are held to train us in the art of sleeping without being noticed. I have learnt a few techniques which I would love to share with all of you.
1. The most commonly used technique by smart alec’s is the one where they complain they are unable to view the ppt because a strategically located electric bulb is shining on the screen. Invariably this bulb is located right above the smart alec’s head and he promptly requests someone to switch it off. This puts the subject in the dark and hence he can sleep peacefully thereafter in the entire show. However, this technique is really old and smart MBA speakers of the last century do not fall for it.
2. The nodder – These super smart people have the unique talent of nodding after every bout of sleep. Each time they fall down from their sleep they nod heavily with some grunts like “ya” and “yes yes” to pretend that they are actually listening with attention. This pleases the speaker because he is fooled to believe that people are following him.
3. The Manoj Kumar way (Thinking pose) – This is I think the most stylish way to sleep inside a ppt hall. You hide your eyes and give an expression as if you are engrossed in deep thinking. The speaker would feel you are really impressed by his idea and doing some serious analysis of the issue being discussed.
4. If you are not really bothered by aesthetics, you can use the way I very successfully use. Keep your spectacles really dirty and keep them so low that the border of the spects is in direct eye line from the speaker. This will ensure your speaker is unable to look at your eyes directly.
5. The most diehard way that I found in the research was that followed by one of my batchmates in FMS. He used to sleep in the entire ppt, wake up, ask a question and then go off to sleep again. Initially, I was amazed at the dare devilry but later realized it is a technique which only a super smart ass MBA can follow. There are a few generic questions you can ask in every god damn ppt whatever the ppt may be. For example – “What are your future plans”, “How do you plan to expand the current business opportunities”, “Are you looking for diversification in your business”
After thinking long and hard, I realized that although the above 5 techniques are good but they only cater to the stated objective of not getting caught sleeping inside a ppt hall. The best technique must do something extra (just the way our company wants us to be. Afterall we are from premier ******). And then I discovered this legendary technique where the subject not only manages to evade getting caught, he actually impresses the speaker into believing that the subject is THE most diligent and hard working subjects of all. So here it goes –
Remember to take a notepad and a pen(even one which is not working) with you to the lecture hall. Now as soon as the speaker starts talking start scribbling(or just pretend to scribble). Very soon you will fall to sleep but your position would be such that the speaker will feel that you are making notes of all the points. He will never bother to ask you any questions and rate you as the best amongst the entire lot because trust me you will be the only one even attempting to write down anything in the entire hall.
PS: All the above techniques are pretty to safe to use(Tried and tested by experts) until my blog becomes super popular which is pretty safe to assume is not a short term phenomenon.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Batch 2010 Oscars
The post is dedicated to the batch of 2010 FMS MBA.
I have met some truly crazy and bizzare people at FMS. It was only apt to dedicate them some space in my blog. So before media team steals my thunder i decided to come up with my own list of OSCARS for the most popular people of the batch.The jury for these awards is Team BountyHunters - Siddhesh Agashe & Dhruv Anand
MSA will sponsor the prizes and please contact fin secy for further details.
1. Abhishek Sudhakar - Mithun Chakravarty GUNDA award for Best Comic performance in a tragic role
For his amazing, unintentional humor in SOP box which drove us crazy
2. Suman Ubriani - Nirupa Roy award for the best Dukhiyari Nari - Of course, all thanks to Amit tyaagi
3. Kumar Jayant - Shakti Kapoor award for the biggest Flirt
4. Manish Kumar - Google award for Most humorous status messages - And also proving the fact - Status messages dont reveal the true identity of the person
5. Nidhi Kaicker - Best Background music - For constant "che che che" that can drive the most patient people crazy.
6. Amit Kumar - Best actor - For his amazing monologue that established the BABA clan
7. 59 - Lifetime achievement award for constant....ah, i dont know what
8. Arup kumar Das - Appam Chutia award for irritating everyone he came across atleast once.
9. Malavika Adkoli - Sportswoman of the year - For becoming the first player in history to break a leg after being hit by a ping pong ball
10. Sannata Wing - Manoj Kumar's tragedy king award
11. Aditya Maheswari - Barrack Obama award for the best speech ever - Conclub conclave
12. Myself, Arkesh and Dhruv - Best art direction - Vaibhav batra's placement pic
13. Vaibhav Batra - Upcoming model award - Refer Brand Man students for details
14. Chussu, Chooha and Ghissu - Self Destruct spammers award
15. Sutta Chicks - Best Cheerleader's award - Had the spanish team heard it, India would have surely won.
16. Kusha Goyal - UNICEF award for social service - Her anorexia has ensured atleast 2 children less would die of hunger.
17. Ronak Marolia - 100% attendance best student award
18. Siddharth Singh - Best part time student in the MBA full time course
19. Sougata Roy - Best Guest Appearance award
20. Chimni - Environmental conservation award for producing most amount of natural GAS
21. Yatindra Vijavargiya - Pnkj Sinha award for arbit bakwaas. "Qyun aaya forbidden District"
22. Gyanendra Prasad & Amit Kumar - The Airtel guy award for ensuring Airtel's balance sheet stays green
23. Deepak Joshi - HVV Award for Biggest Tharki where HVV stands for you know what
24. Mondal - Lord of the pings award for achievement in noble art of spamming
25. Alisson Perriera - Baba Ramdev Award for best hand exercises award
26. Sushil Pasricha - Fair and lovely Best expression award
27. Sobhanjeet Rath - Best dancer award for Kauua dance
28. Rajat Sagar and DCB - Best action couple award
29. Gaurav Sharma - Bal Brahmachari award for accepting the molestation
30. Gaurav Mittal - Prateek Mathur award for Best smile
31 Prabin Sapkota - Interjector of the Year for asking the most pertinent out of the box questions - Case in point - I did not get high question in the culsoc MSA review.
32. Arkesh Ajay - Roadies Survivor of the year - For surviving against all odds read juniors
33. Nitin Goel - FMS Peace award
34. Anurag Binani - BC Teachers choice award for Best Groomed student
35. Frinson Francis - Best Costume for the famous orange jacket
36. Mansi Prasad - Female Spammer of the year - Yaa, no competition unfair award
37. Aditya Agarwal - Jimmy Choo Superhero of the year
38. Divyanshu Dixit - Freerider of the year award - Was really difficult one to give, but since we tried to have a one award per person policy we had to give it to a person wit absolute no other talent
39. Puja Kasat- Agony aunt of the year -- Another zero competition give away.
40. Navneet 60 - Pareshan Pati award for constant constipation
41. Peeyush Anand - Sunny Deol Award for Best Acting in an emotional role
42 Sabyasachi Ghosh - Dev anand's "Abhi to mai jawaan hu" Award for senior citizens
43 Chetan Agarwal - Satyam Computer Services' Ethical person of the year
44 Kohin Roy - Transformation of the year - From Chillsoc corner to the corner room
45 Sandeep Kannan - MCD's Water conservation award for saving a bucket of water every day
46 Mufeed - Viagara's Super energetic dude award
47 Madhukar Kumar Jha - Brander of the year for conceptualizing Lizard lipsticks
48 Shreekar Sudarshan - Chatur ramalingam award for biggest ghissu male
49 Priyanka Garg - Priyanka Garg award for the biggest ghissu female - Creating her own category
50 Harsh Raj Kumar - Dharmendra award for Best drunk performance
51 Tyagi, Abir,Parvati, Suman and Sachdev - Red and White bravery Award
52 Vaibhav Anand - Simpsons Funny guy of the year - Remember Vihaan's Induction week event
53 Kriti Gupta - ML Singlas Punctual Student of the year - For being super consistent to enter class at 9:30
54 Aditi Gupta - Rs 75/month scholarship for a year under the Sonia Gandhi garib peedit unemployed mahila pariyojna
55 Karan Sehgal - Arvind Narshiman Samoohik balatkar award
56 Neha Sharma - Doubt of the year -- Do ecell students sit for placements?? -- Credits Puja for reminding
57 Vidhi Srivastava - Kiran Mam's useless gyaanbaazi award
58 Ananta Agarwal - Pappu electronics Technician of the year
59 Neetu Mathew - Fake accent of the year. Honestly Kusha wins this hands down but we have strict policies, one individual award per person.
60 Sonam Madan - Anupama Vohra's Ideal bahu award
61 Peeyush hemnani - Junior Batch's Universal Bhaiyya of the year
62 Vaibhav Puri - Dhruv da dhaba Waiter of the year
63 Shrida Joshi - Gujarat and Nort East governments National Integration award
64 Ravi Sattawan - Excuse of the year - Sir, i am going to rural villages for dissertation. Please grant me exemption.
65 Rahul Bhatt - Shammi kapoor Head banging award............Credits: Manish Kumar
66 Dhruv Anand - Dara Singh Muscle Man of the year
67 Da and DCB - Tarun Tejpal whistle blower award............Credits: Manish Kumar
68 Simrinder - Akshay Kumar award for the best female in action role.........Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
69 Rohit Jhangiani - Madu Vij's fastest ever dating award -- Remember first ever class
70 Dharam Vir -- Mallika Sherawat most slutty performance award -- Remember Induction week........Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
71 Shivani Singh - VK Bhalla's The undercover economist award-- She is an economics honours, even i didnt know before today.......Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
72 Chavi Singhal - Sabyasachi award for coining the most misused term in FMS - Bestest CR.......Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
73 Ved Agarwal - shahnaaz hussain Pony Tail of the year...............Credits : Deepak Joshi
74 Kunal Choudhary- Kumbhakaran of the year.......Credits: Deepak Joshi
75 Abhinav Chugh - Citibank "Mai bhi hoon" Award.........Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
76 Distressed Student - Arkesh Ajay's "Thank you for not mailing" Gratitude award
In case you have not made it to the elite list, dont worry the jury is highly immoral and open to changing the list depending on the incentives offered. As it is, the list is hurriedly compiled and some jewels are still missing. We will try to accommodate them asap. You are of course allowed to nominate yourself.
I have met some truly crazy and bizzare people at FMS. It was only apt to dedicate them some space in my blog. So before media team steals my thunder i decided to come up with my own list of OSCARS for the most popular people of the batch.The jury for these awards is Team BountyHunters - Siddhesh Agashe & Dhruv Anand
MSA will sponsor the prizes and please contact fin secy for further details.
1. Abhishek Sudhakar - Mithun Chakravarty GUNDA award for Best Comic performance in a tragic role
For his amazing, unintentional humor in SOP box which drove us crazy
2. Suman Ubriani - Nirupa Roy award for the best Dukhiyari Nari - Of course, all thanks to Amit tyaagi
3. Kumar Jayant - Shakti Kapoor award for the biggest Flirt
4. Manish Kumar - Google award for Most humorous status messages - And also proving the fact - Status messages dont reveal the true identity of the person
5. Nidhi Kaicker - Best Background music - For constant "che che che" that can drive the most patient people crazy.
6. Amit Kumar - Best actor - For his amazing monologue that established the BABA clan
7. 59 - Lifetime achievement award for constant....ah, i dont know what
8. Arup kumar Das - Appam Chutia award for irritating everyone he came across atleast once.
9. Malavika Adkoli - Sportswoman of the year - For becoming the first player in history to break a leg after being hit by a ping pong ball
10. Sannata Wing - Manoj Kumar's tragedy king award
11. Aditya Maheswari - Barrack Obama award for the best speech ever - Conclub conclave
12. Myself, Arkesh and Dhruv - Best art direction - Vaibhav batra's placement pic
13. Vaibhav Batra - Upcoming model award - Refer Brand Man students for details
14. Chussu, Chooha and Ghissu - Self Destruct spammers award
15. Sutta Chicks - Best Cheerleader's award - Had the spanish team heard it, India would have surely won.
16. Kusha Goyal - UNICEF award for social service - Her anorexia has ensured atleast 2 children less would die of hunger.
17. Ronak Marolia - 100% attendance best student award
18. Siddharth Singh - Best part time student in the MBA full time course
19. Sougata Roy - Best Guest Appearance award
20. Chimni - Environmental conservation award for producing most amount of natural GAS
21. Yatindra Vijavargiya - Pnkj Sinha award for arbit bakwaas. "Qyun aaya forbidden District"
22. Gyanendra Prasad & Amit Kumar - The Airtel guy award for ensuring Airtel's balance sheet stays green
23. Deepak Joshi - HVV Award for Biggest Tharki where HVV stands for you know what
24. Mondal - Lord of the pings award for achievement in noble art of spamming
25. Alisson Perriera - Baba Ramdev Award for best hand exercises award
26. Sushil Pasricha - Fair and lovely Best expression award
27. Sobhanjeet Rath - Best dancer award for Kauua dance
28. Rajat Sagar and DCB - Best action couple award
29. Gaurav Sharma - Bal Brahmachari award for accepting the molestation
30. Gaurav Mittal - Prateek Mathur award for Best smile
31 Prabin Sapkota - Interjector of the Year for asking the most pertinent out of the box questions - Case in point - I did not get high question in the culsoc MSA review.
32. Arkesh Ajay - Roadies Survivor of the year - For surviving against all odds read juniors
33. Nitin Goel - FMS Peace award
34. Anurag Binani - BC Teachers choice award for Best Groomed student
35. Frinson Francis - Best Costume for the famous orange jacket
36. Mansi Prasad - Female Spammer of the year - Yaa, no competition unfair award
37. Aditya Agarwal - Jimmy Choo Superhero of the year
38. Divyanshu Dixit - Freerider of the year award - Was really difficult one to give, but since we tried to have a one award per person policy we had to give it to a person wit absolute no other talent
39. Puja Kasat- Agony aunt of the year -- Another zero competition give away.
40. Navneet 60 - Pareshan Pati award for constant constipation
41. Peeyush Anand - Sunny Deol Award for Best Acting in an emotional role
42 Sabyasachi Ghosh - Dev anand's "Abhi to mai jawaan hu" Award for senior citizens
43 Chetan Agarwal - Satyam Computer Services' Ethical person of the year
44 Kohin Roy - Transformation of the year - From Chillsoc corner to the corner room
45 Sandeep Kannan - MCD's Water conservation award for saving a bucket of water every day
46 Mufeed - Viagara's Super energetic dude award
47 Madhukar Kumar Jha - Brander of the year for conceptualizing Lizard lipsticks
48 Shreekar Sudarshan - Chatur ramalingam award for biggest ghissu male
49 Priyanka Garg - Priyanka Garg award for the biggest ghissu female - Creating her own category
50 Harsh Raj Kumar - Dharmendra award for Best drunk performance
51 Tyagi, Abir,Parvati, Suman and Sachdev - Red and White bravery Award
52 Vaibhav Anand - Simpsons Funny guy of the year - Remember Vihaan's Induction week event
53 Kriti Gupta - ML Singlas Punctual Student of the year - For being super consistent to enter class at 9:30
54 Aditi Gupta - Rs 75/month scholarship for a year under the Sonia Gandhi garib peedit unemployed mahila pariyojna
55 Karan Sehgal - Arvind Narshiman Samoohik balatkar award
56 Neha Sharma - Doubt of the year -- Do ecell students sit for placements?? -- Credits Puja for reminding
57 Vidhi Srivastava - Kiran Mam's useless gyaanbaazi award
58 Ananta Agarwal - Pappu electronics Technician of the year
59 Neetu Mathew - Fake accent of the year. Honestly Kusha wins this hands down but we have strict policies, one individual award per person.
60 Sonam Madan - Anupama Vohra's Ideal bahu award
61 Peeyush hemnani - Junior Batch's Universal Bhaiyya of the year
62 Vaibhav Puri - Dhruv da dhaba Waiter of the year
63 Shrida Joshi - Gujarat and Nort East governments National Integration award
64 Ravi Sattawan - Excuse of the year - Sir, i am going to rural villages for dissertation. Please grant me exemption.
65 Rahul Bhatt - Shammi kapoor Head banging award............Credits: Manish Kumar
66 Dhruv Anand - Dara Singh Muscle Man of the year
67 Da and DCB - Tarun Tejpal whistle blower award............Credits: Manish Kumar
68 Simrinder - Akshay Kumar award for the best female in action role.........Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
69 Rohit Jhangiani - Madu Vij's fastest ever dating award -- Remember first ever class
70 Dharam Vir -- Mallika Sherawat most slutty performance award -- Remember Induction week........Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
71 Shivani Singh - VK Bhalla's The undercover economist award-- She is an economics honours, even i didnt know before today.......Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
72 Chavi Singhal - Sabyasachi award for coining the most misused term in FMS - Bestest CR.......Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
73 Ved Agarwal - shahnaaz hussain Pony Tail of the year...............Credits : Deepak Joshi
74 Kunal Choudhary- Kumbhakaran of the year.......Credits: Deepak Joshi
75 Abhinav Chugh - Citibank "Mai bhi hoon" Award.........Credits: Nidhi Kaicker
76 Distressed Student - Arkesh Ajay's "Thank you for not mailing" Gratitude award
In case you have not made it to the elite list, dont worry the jury is highly immoral and open to changing the list depending on the incentives offered. As it is, the list is hurriedly compiled and some jewels are still missing. We will try to accommodate them asap. You are of course allowed to nominate yourself.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The guide to become the ultimate free rider
Having almost completed my super successful MBA, I have decided to do what every good senior does. Pass on the gyaan. Unfortunately, with an expertise of lazying around and free riding I don’t really have any gyaan to pass on. So I have decided to pass on the knowledge in which I have complete expertise – FREERIDING. This blog will be beneficial to people who cannot delegate work properly and unfortunately end up doing almost all work themselves. I hope it changes a few lives.
About the Author
It is very important to establish the credentials of the author before following any such gyaan capsules. So here are a few facts establishing the authenticity of the post.
The author was one of the founding members of the Chillsoc society at FMS. He is the self proclaimed president of SPAMSOC. He has 2 years of extensive experience of working along with the most shameless, faceless, useless free riders at FMS. Before FMS, author received training for 4 years in the hinterlands of bawana, a place notorious for producing the best people in this business.
Few Facts of freeriding
1. Since you have managed to find time to read this, you have the basic ingredients of being a good free rider.
2. Remember great freeriders are never accused of being a free rider. If somebody starts accusing you of being one, eventually your luck will run out and you would have to start working.
3. Whenever you get a chance accuse others of freeriding. This creates a false impression that you are working hard.
4. Free riders need to have great interpersonal skills and brilliant communications skills. It also completely kills their ego. So don’t be embarrassed – Freeriding helps you in improving your personality.
5. Trust your teammates. This is the most important ingredient in forming any team. Trust them to do good quality work which would ensure good internal marks even for you. Without trust you will have the unnecessary urge of cross checking, revising the work which would lead to waste of your valuable energy and resources.
6. If you freeride, nobody would ever accuse you of presenting shoddy work.
The guide
So here are a few tidbits on how to successfully freeride an entire semester. Make sure you follow the exact steps in every semester but on different people.
1. Be present on the first day of the class. This is the day the groups are formed and be atleast 10 minutes early to the class.
2. Sit right next to the most studious girl in the class. Yes, girl is important because even if she finds out your ulterior motives she would spare your mother and sisters and also be sensitive enough not to insult you in front of other girls.
3. Indulge in a conversation before the class on the lines of how important the subject is and how much you want to study the subject. This will create an impression that you are really looking forward to study the subject.
4. Groups are generally formed at the end of the class. The most common size is 6-7. The girl next to you would generally have a default group of 3-4 already decided. You be a NICE guy and suggest another group of 3-4 hard working students and team them up.
5. In the most ideal situation, let the sub groups be such that you are the only one who is very comfortable talking to all people in the group. This will effectively make you the CEO of the group. And as you know in a team CEO works the least.
6. If you are able to find a group where a geeky guy wants to impress a geeky girl, boss you just won a lottery. NEVER leave such a group (Should i explain more :-)). Unfortunately, it is easier said that done. This is precisely the reason one should be aware about all the gossip going around in class. Hence, Free riding also improves your general knowledge.
7. Contrary to popular opinion, NEVER have the same group for two different subjects/events/competitions etc. This ensures that you will be able to freeride all events, other wise work will be shared and you will have to do some of it.
8. Start a chain mail 4-5 days before the final deadline asking the group to start contributing on the topic. Trust me, nobody is going to reply to the mail for the next 2 days. At the end of the two days, send a mail abusing the entire group of lack of seriousness and free riding.
9. If your image has taken slight hit (because of earlier freeriding) google the topic and copy paste the first 2 links and send in the mail. Nobody is going to bother to check the source, and would feel you are really doing some work.
10. Ego massage the hardest working person in the group. Generally, this is the breed of people (Commonly known as geeks, but i wont insult them) who need an outlet to talk. Be that outlet. Tell them how you are the only one working on the project in the other group. Show concern, tell them how much you want to help them but how helpless you are because of the useless group you have in the other subject.
11. Dont worry, they dont really need your help. But please ensure you offer help. Continue to bitch about others in the group.
12. Dont be too active on facebook, gmail etc 2 days before a submission. Out of sight is generally out of mind. Your team mates might just forget about your presence.
These were just a few pointers to become a legend. I have always kept my blog an open forum and you are free to share more ideas. I am open to make the necessary changes.
About the Author
It is very important to establish the credentials of the author before following any such gyaan capsules. So here are a few facts establishing the authenticity of the post.
The author was one of the founding members of the Chillsoc society at FMS. He is the self proclaimed president of SPAMSOC. He has 2 years of extensive experience of working along with the most shameless, faceless, useless free riders at FMS. Before FMS, author received training for 4 years in the hinterlands of bawana, a place notorious for producing the best people in this business.
Few Facts of freeriding
1. Since you have managed to find time to read this, you have the basic ingredients of being a good free rider.
2. Remember great freeriders are never accused of being a free rider. If somebody starts accusing you of being one, eventually your luck will run out and you would have to start working.
3. Whenever you get a chance accuse others of freeriding. This creates a false impression that you are working hard.
4. Free riders need to have great interpersonal skills and brilliant communications skills. It also completely kills their ego. So don’t be embarrassed – Freeriding helps you in improving your personality.
5. Trust your teammates. This is the most important ingredient in forming any team. Trust them to do good quality work which would ensure good internal marks even for you. Without trust you will have the unnecessary urge of cross checking, revising the work which would lead to waste of your valuable energy and resources.
6. If you freeride, nobody would ever accuse you of presenting shoddy work.
The guide
So here are a few tidbits on how to successfully freeride an entire semester. Make sure you follow the exact steps in every semester but on different people.
1. Be present on the first day of the class. This is the day the groups are formed and be atleast 10 minutes early to the class.
2. Sit right next to the most studious girl in the class. Yes, girl is important because even if she finds out your ulterior motives she would spare your mother and sisters and also be sensitive enough not to insult you in front of other girls.
3. Indulge in a conversation before the class on the lines of how important the subject is and how much you want to study the subject. This will create an impression that you are really looking forward to study the subject.
4. Groups are generally formed at the end of the class. The most common size is 6-7. The girl next to you would generally have a default group of 3-4 already decided. You be a NICE guy and suggest another group of 3-4 hard working students and team them up.
5. In the most ideal situation, let the sub groups be such that you are the only one who is very comfortable talking to all people in the group. This will effectively make you the CEO of the group. And as you know in a team CEO works the least.
6. If you are able to find a group where a geeky guy wants to impress a geeky girl, boss you just won a lottery. NEVER leave such a group (Should i explain more :-)). Unfortunately, it is easier said that done. This is precisely the reason one should be aware about all the gossip going around in class. Hence, Free riding also improves your general knowledge.
7. Contrary to popular opinion, NEVER have the same group for two different subjects/events/competitions etc. This ensures that you will be able to freeride all events, other wise work will be shared and you will have to do some of it.
8. Start a chain mail 4-5 days before the final deadline asking the group to start contributing on the topic. Trust me, nobody is going to reply to the mail for the next 2 days. At the end of the two days, send a mail abusing the entire group of lack of seriousness and free riding.
9. If your image has taken slight hit (because of earlier freeriding) google the topic and copy paste the first 2 links and send in the mail. Nobody is going to bother to check the source, and would feel you are really doing some work.
10. Ego massage the hardest working person in the group. Generally, this is the breed of people (Commonly known as geeks, but i wont insult them) who need an outlet to talk. Be that outlet. Tell them how you are the only one working on the project in the other group. Show concern, tell them how much you want to help them but how helpless you are because of the useless group you have in the other subject.
11. Dont worry, they dont really need your help. But please ensure you offer help. Continue to bitch about others in the group.
12. Dont be too active on facebook, gmail etc 2 days before a submission. Out of sight is generally out of mind. Your team mates might just forget about your presence.
These were just a few pointers to become a legend. I have always kept my blog an open forum and you are free to share more ideas. I am open to make the necessary changes.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Some facts about CV points
• Don’t look at others CV’s. They will always look better than yours. The points mentioned are as fake, exaggerated as your own. The only difference is, you know the reality of your own CV.
• Once you have made it, don’t even look at your own CV. There is a distinct chance that you will forget the exaggeration and give yourself too much airs. Btw, the feeling in the first point lasts only a few minutes. At the end of it, MY CV STRONGEST
• Even though the reason for every MBA’s existence is collection of CV points, they will still struggle to come up with 20 points in 730 days i.e a frequency of 1 CV point per 36.5 days. Which means 1 CV point per month. God save our country, if our budding CEO’s are so grossly inefficient
• Although, in office all of us were busy preparing for CAT,XAT,FMS we somehow managed to win some sort of recognition award.
• Your bosses are actually nice. Infact, you regret the days when you used to abuse them. In case, you abused him on his face. Well!! Sorry, you just missed the chance of a good CV point
• Remember even the most worthless thing you ever did. There is a distinct possibility that it would come across as your best CV point. That gully cricket tournament you won in 12th class(bunking coaching class test) can actually lend the perfect balance your otherwise geeky CV deserves.
• Probably the most important thing that you ever did in your life is not on your CV because you got cash prize or some other kind of appreciation from some special someone.
• We scientifically bold the most important words believing that the person who is going to shortlist is going to ignore the other words – Gee!! How smart we think we are or do we sincerely believe that the other person is a moron.
• Just in case you are from a top school, you will suddenly start to regret it. Because your friend from ABC school is able to write TOPPER IN SCHOOL with 86.8% and you cannot with 92%. This belief is again based on the sincere belief that the person who is going to read it is a moron.
• You would wish you were born in the smallest district in India, the moment you see
District topper(in bold), Jharsuguda (In small font) on your friends CV.
Sincere apologies to people living in Jharsuguda
• You will discover new bugs in Microsoft Office while working on your CV.
• If you are actually the way your CV(personals) suggests, you will hate yourself for your arrogance.
• You will suddenly develop eclectic habits (interests) so that you can put on your CV. Being natural is only an advice you give to your juniors.
• Unbelievingly, I write such lousy blogs so that I am able to put blogging as a hobby on my CV.
• Once you have made it, don’t even look at your own CV. There is a distinct chance that you will forget the exaggeration and give yourself too much airs. Btw, the feeling in the first point lasts only a few minutes. At the end of it, MY CV STRONGEST
• Even though the reason for every MBA’s existence is collection of CV points, they will still struggle to come up with 20 points in 730 days i.e a frequency of 1 CV point per 36.5 days. Which means 1 CV point per month. God save our country, if our budding CEO’s are so grossly inefficient
• Although, in office all of us were busy preparing for CAT,XAT,FMS we somehow managed to win some sort of recognition award.
• Your bosses are actually nice. Infact, you regret the days when you used to abuse them. In case, you abused him on his face. Well!! Sorry, you just missed the chance of a good CV point
• Remember even the most worthless thing you ever did. There is a distinct possibility that it would come across as your best CV point. That gully cricket tournament you won in 12th class(bunking coaching class test) can actually lend the perfect balance your otherwise geeky CV deserves.
• Probably the most important thing that you ever did in your life is not on your CV because you got cash prize or some other kind of appreciation from some special someone.
• We scientifically bold the most important words believing that the person who is going to shortlist is going to ignore the other words – Gee!! How smart we think we are or do we sincerely believe that the other person is a moron.
• Just in case you are from a top school, you will suddenly start to regret it. Because your friend from ABC school is able to write TOPPER IN SCHOOL with 86.8% and you cannot with 92%. This belief is again based on the sincere belief that the person who is going to read it is a moron.
• You would wish you were born in the smallest district in India, the moment you see
District topper(in bold), Jharsuguda (In small font) on your friends CV.
Sincere apologies to people living in Jharsuguda
• You will discover new bugs in Microsoft Office while working on your CV.
• If you are actually the way your CV(personals) suggests, you will hate yourself for your arrogance.
• You will suddenly develop eclectic habits (interests) so that you can put on your CV. Being natural is only an advice you give to your juniors.
• Unbelievingly, I write such lousy blogs so that I am able to put blogging as a hobby on my CV.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
You know you are in FMS when
• "Step outside" are your favourite two words. So much so, that you get wierd dreams about them :-)
• In case you are an engineer, when you got admission your friends were most excited about the awesome DU girls you will get to meet.
• In the two years, you did not talk to a single Non FMS girl. Still, you boast about the crowd to your engineering friends.
• You love to move about in FMS Tshirts, Sweat shirts etc. So much so that you have such a huge collection that you hardly have any other clothes.
• In case you came into FMS single, you are still single.
• If you were committed when you came to FMS, you are still committed but the object(guy or the girl) has changed.
• If you are amongst the few non engineers, either make sure your economics is strong or run into hibernation before exams. Because the engineers will assume that you are an economics honours(even if you are a BA arts) and haggle you before the exams.
• In the first year, you felt the whole EB and the system sucks. When you entered the second year, you realized that status quo is the best way to move forward.
• You have SPAMMED more than once in your life. And have also shown disgust at somebody else’s SPAM.
• You freeride most of the things yet bitch about other people in the group freeriding.
• You are convinced that DSE canteen's food is much better than Anna's. Although there is no evidence to prove the same. As HV would say "Food is just an alibi" :-)
• You are amazed at how can anybody else come from outside to eat at Anna's.
• You realize some things need to be changed. But when they do, you create a furore and dare the person who changed them.
• You have not seen the cover of most of the books of the subject you have already passed.
• Youre favorite game is "Farmville". After 9 0 clock, you play Status message Status message.
• You participate in every damn college competition. Even if it is an operations or an HR game and you are a hardcore finance person. Btw, you have kicked ass of other B schooler's before. :-)
• You do social work to build up CV points. Infact, you believe that the very reason for human existence is "collection of CV points”
• You are an absolute stud at google search.
• Your most often visited websites are uncyclopedia, fakingnews.com and facebook.com
• You feel Deepak bhaiyaa is the most important person on campus, particularly at the end of the semester.
• You are convinced marks are given by a random number generator
• You are not allowed to talk about the people in the corner room. (Even on such a useless blog) Although each of you has an opinion on them.
• No matter how busy you are, you will definitely find time to read such silly attempts of your batchmates.
• If this blog becomes too famous, media secy will screw me. :-)
PS 1: 2-3 points are straight copy paste from "You know you are in DCE community" on Facebook. I apologize for the plagiarism. But i dont think the concerned person will mind. I never said I am original.
PS 2 : Ok, the ideas mentioned might be slightly prejudistic in nature. But i dont really care.
PS 3: People please contribute further
• In case you are an engineer, when you got admission your friends were most excited about the awesome DU girls you will get to meet.
• In the two years, you did not talk to a single Non FMS girl. Still, you boast about the crowd to your engineering friends.
• You love to move about in FMS Tshirts, Sweat shirts etc. So much so that you have such a huge collection that you hardly have any other clothes.
• In case you came into FMS single, you are still single.
• If you were committed when you came to FMS, you are still committed but the object(guy or the girl) has changed.
• If you are amongst the few non engineers, either make sure your economics is strong or run into hibernation before exams. Because the engineers will assume that you are an economics honours(even if you are a BA arts) and haggle you before the exams.
• In the first year, you felt the whole EB and the system sucks. When you entered the second year, you realized that status quo is the best way to move forward.
• You have SPAMMED more than once in your life. And have also shown disgust at somebody else’s SPAM.
• You freeride most of the things yet bitch about other people in the group freeriding.
• You are convinced that DSE canteen's food is much better than Anna's. Although there is no evidence to prove the same. As HV would say "Food is just an alibi" :-)
• You are amazed at how can anybody else come from outside to eat at Anna's.
• You realize some things need to be changed. But when they do, you create a furore and dare the person who changed them.
• You have not seen the cover of most of the books of the subject you have already passed.
• Youre favorite game is "Farmville". After 9 0 clock, you play Status message Status message.
• You participate in every damn college competition. Even if it is an operations or an HR game and you are a hardcore finance person. Btw, you have kicked ass of other B schooler's before. :-)
• You do social work to build up CV points. Infact, you believe that the very reason for human existence is "collection of CV points”
• You are an absolute stud at google search.
• Your most often visited websites are uncyclopedia, fakingnews.com and facebook.com
• You feel Deepak bhaiyaa is the most important person on campus, particularly at the end of the semester.
• You are convinced marks are given by a random number generator
• You are not allowed to talk about the people in the corner room. (Even on such a useless blog) Although each of you has an opinion on them.
• No matter how busy you are, you will definitely find time to read such silly attempts of your batchmates.
• If this blog becomes too famous, media secy will screw me. :-)
PS 1: 2-3 points are straight copy paste from "You know you are in DCE community" on Facebook. I apologize for the plagiarism. But i dont think the concerned person will mind. I never said I am original.
PS 2 : Ok, the ideas mentioned might be slightly prejudistic in nature. But i dont really care.
PS 3: People please contribute further
Monday, November 16, 2009
Best excuses for not having a GF
I think in the 6 years of my DCE and FMS life I have heard the best excuses for not having a girlfriend. For starters, most of my friends are single and desperate to mingle and everyone has a theory for single hood.
(Please note - Have tried to hide names in such a way that only those who are supposed to decipher them will be able to)
Listing a few here.
Just concentrate on the letters in bold, ladko ka confidence to dekho :-)
1. Tinnu (to PK in district center) - Beta!! Bandi patane ke liye sirf 2 cheeze zaroori hai. Ek bike and dusra mobile. Abhi mere pass dono hi nahi hai, varna bandi aaram se pat jati.
Now i have no idea why PK, who at that time had neither within 6 months bought both bike and mobile. I seriously hope it was not because of Tinnu's "expert" advice
2. Meena - Yaar school me ladkia mast thi, yaha pe sab ladkio me itna ghatiya attitude hai. Sab sali itni arrogant hai, useless. Dhang se baat bhi nahi karti hai. Bahut bhav khati hai. Sala kata lia, school me socha ye sab kaam college aake karenge. Pehle pata hota to!!! Fuck Man!!. School me 2 minute me pata leni thi bandi.
Ya!! In hindsight we trust
3. Tension to Tinnu - Tinnu sale tu to mast hai yaar. Ladkia sale marti hai tere upar. Hum to sale c***** hai. Ladkia mud ke bhi nahi dekhti. Kya yaar, teri jaise shakal hoti to pakka pata leta mai bandi. Fuck man.
Yes, Tension life is unfair
4. Singing Idol to yours truly- Sale tu chaman hai!! Meri bus height kam hai. Agar teri jitni hieght hoti na to pakka pata lena tha ladki ko.
5. Chota (On being asked by Naveen in 3rd year ki tu ladkio se baat kyo nahi kar pata) - Sale Kya!!! (Hands apart, body straight. I think you get the expression) Mujhe koi ladki pasand hi nahi hai, to kyo karu mai baat.
Mr Red Shoes - Abe simple baat karne me kya jata hai?
Chota - Abe hat, Jab ladkia mere standard ki hai hi nahi to kyo karu mai inse baat.
The next is the most scandalous, just like the person who said this -
6. Baniya (On being asked by Raj about not having a gf) - Mujhe Zaroorat nahi hai.
7. John - Yaar, mere sath comitmment issues hai. Mai ek hi bandi ke peeche nahi pad sakta. Meri life ka ek hi funda hai "Life is to enjoy!! Thats it"
8. PK - (He never said this, but i perfectly believe PK always thought ki going to gym and making a salman khan out of himself will ensure the hottest gal in DCE will come running in his lap. I am sure he is royally dissapointed and now laughing at himself reading this)
9. Skeleton Man - Yaar bahut time ki baat hai. Mai itna time nahi de sakta, kisi bhi bandi ko. Matlab apni personal life bhi hoti hai yaar.
The most hilarious one has to go to baba -
10. Baba - Abe apne group ka koi bhi banda 1 hafte ke andar bandi pata sakta hai. Abhi meri priorities alag hai. But jis din i finally decide ki bandi patani hai tujhe bata raha hu, ek hafta lagega
Some of the good ones from FMS.
1. GASMAN - Abe mujhe school me 3-4 proposal pade the, but sale sab reject kar diye. I am waiting for the right girl
Me to GASMAN - But tu kisi ladki se baat to karta nahi, tujhe pata kaise chalega ki she is the right girl
GASMAN - Sale jab wo aayegi tab apne aap pata chal jayega.
2. pITCHman (Talking about a really pretty FMSite) - Abe use to aaram se pata leta!!!
Chichora Bhopali - Sale!! Tujhe kaise pata??
pITCHman - Abe maine use ek mail kia tha, kuch poochne ke liye. Uska lamba sa reply aaya.
Chichora Bhopali - But sale usse kya?
pITCHman - Abe mail ki language se hi pata chal raha tha, she was totally interested. 15 din lagte mujhe use patane me
3. BP's Ex boyfriend - Bada confused hu yaar. Arre yaaha ki sab ladkia marti hai mere upar yaar, samajh hi nahi aa raha kise patau!!!!
@All FMS girls -- I will release the name of "BP's ex boyfriend" in return of a Giani's icecream :-)
PS: Watch this space!! More to follow
(Please note - Have tried to hide names in such a way that only those who are supposed to decipher them will be able to)
Listing a few here.
Just concentrate on the letters in bold, ladko ka confidence to dekho :-)
1. Tinnu (to PK in district center) - Beta!! Bandi patane ke liye sirf 2 cheeze zaroori hai. Ek bike and dusra mobile. Abhi mere pass dono hi nahi hai, varna bandi aaram se pat jati.
Now i have no idea why PK, who at that time had neither within 6 months bought both bike and mobile. I seriously hope it was not because of Tinnu's "expert" advice
2. Meena - Yaar school me ladkia mast thi, yaha pe sab ladkio me itna ghatiya attitude hai. Sab sali itni arrogant hai, useless. Dhang se baat bhi nahi karti hai. Bahut bhav khati hai. Sala kata lia, school me socha ye sab kaam college aake karenge. Pehle pata hota to!!! Fuck Man!!. School me 2 minute me pata leni thi bandi.
Ya!! In hindsight we trust
3. Tension to Tinnu - Tinnu sale tu to mast hai yaar. Ladkia sale marti hai tere upar. Hum to sale c***** hai. Ladkia mud ke bhi nahi dekhti. Kya yaar, teri jaise shakal hoti to pakka pata leta mai bandi. Fuck man.
Yes, Tension life is unfair
4. Singing Idol to yours truly- Sale tu chaman hai!! Meri bus height kam hai. Agar teri jitni hieght hoti na to pakka pata lena tha ladki ko.
5. Chota (On being asked by Naveen in 3rd year ki tu ladkio se baat kyo nahi kar pata) - Sale Kya!!! (Hands apart, body straight. I think you get the expression) Mujhe koi ladki pasand hi nahi hai, to kyo karu mai baat.
Mr Red Shoes - Abe simple baat karne me kya jata hai?
Chota - Abe hat, Jab ladkia mere standard ki hai hi nahi to kyo karu mai inse baat.
The next is the most scandalous, just like the person who said this -
6. Baniya (On being asked by Raj about not having a gf) - Mujhe Zaroorat nahi hai.
7. John - Yaar, mere sath comitmment issues hai. Mai ek hi bandi ke peeche nahi pad sakta. Meri life ka ek hi funda hai "Life is to enjoy!! Thats it"
8. PK - (He never said this, but i perfectly believe PK always thought ki going to gym and making a salman khan out of himself will ensure the hottest gal in DCE will come running in his lap. I am sure he is royally dissapointed and now laughing at himself reading this)
9. Skeleton Man - Yaar bahut time ki baat hai. Mai itna time nahi de sakta, kisi bhi bandi ko. Matlab apni personal life bhi hoti hai yaar.
The most hilarious one has to go to baba -
10. Baba - Abe apne group ka koi bhi banda 1 hafte ke andar bandi pata sakta hai. Abhi meri priorities alag hai. But jis din i finally decide ki bandi patani hai tujhe bata raha hu, ek hafta lagega
Some of the good ones from FMS.
1. GASMAN - Abe mujhe school me 3-4 proposal pade the, but sale sab reject kar diye. I am waiting for the right girl
Me to GASMAN - But tu kisi ladki se baat to karta nahi, tujhe pata kaise chalega ki she is the right girl
GASMAN - Sale jab wo aayegi tab apne aap pata chal jayega.
2. pITCHman (Talking about a really pretty FMSite) - Abe use to aaram se pata leta!!!
Chichora Bhopali - Sale!! Tujhe kaise pata??
pITCHman - Abe maine use ek mail kia tha, kuch poochne ke liye. Uska lamba sa reply aaya.
Chichora Bhopali - But sale usse kya?
pITCHman - Abe mail ki language se hi pata chal raha tha, she was totally interested. 15 din lagte mujhe use patane me
3. BP's Ex boyfriend - Bada confused hu yaar. Arre yaaha ki sab ladkia marti hai mere upar yaar, samajh hi nahi aa raha kise patau!!!!
@All FMS girls -- I will release the name of "BP's ex boyfriend" in return of a Giani's icecream :-)
PS: Watch this space!! More to follow
Monday, June 15, 2009
The most boring job in the world
As a part of our summer experience M&M took us to their Scorpio plant. It is a wonderful plant with most of the parts assembled automatically. Watching a complete body of Scorpio being assembled within 2.5 minutes via a completely automated process was really exciting. But besides the body there are numerous operations done on the car before it comes out and all these are done on an assembly line with manual operations.
On watching them for more than 5 minutes i realized that these workers end up doing the same job, and i mean the exact same job with a repetition cycle of 5 minutes throughout the day, 6 days in a week, throughout the year. And this continuously for at least 3 - 4 years.
Imagine standing 2 feet below the ground level the whole day. And screwing the same screws 500 times in day. This is a helluva job i suppose. I never felt like this before but a workers job must be tiring not only physically but mentally also.
PS: Robin, Kanika, Sinha and all others working in a plant. I pity you all :-)
On watching them for more than 5 minutes i realized that these workers end up doing the same job, and i mean the exact same job with a repetition cycle of 5 minutes throughout the day, 6 days in a week, throughout the year. And this continuously for at least 3 - 4 years.
Imagine standing 2 feet below the ground level the whole day. And screwing the same screws 500 times in day. This is a helluva job i suppose. I never felt like this before but a workers job must be tiring not only physically but mentally also.
PS: Robin, Kanika, Sinha and all others working in a plant. I pity you all :-)
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Mumbai facts
Now that I have decided to continue with the blog, I will start with a few facts that Mumbai people inherently believe in –
1. Mumbai is the cleanest city in India. (Perhaps that’s why people sleep on the street itself)
2. All north Indians are SOB’s with no ethics. (Have you heard the names Raj and Bal thackery)
3. Delhi is a city full of goons and pickpockets. (It is a different matter that somebody stole my phone. Obviously it must have been a north Indian)
4. All marathis must support Mumbai Indians. When I told them in fluent Marathi that I am die hard Delhi daredevils fan, the shock on their faces was priceless
5. Ajinkya Rahane is the best young batsmen in India. (I hope he turns out to be )
6. Mumbai players cannot get selected in the Indian team unless they are as good as Sachin. Obviously they have conveniently forgotten the pain Ajit agarkar and Wasim Jaffer have inflicted on Indian cricket fans.
7. Mumbai Local is as good as Delhi Metro. (Oh God!! Please forgive them, they don’t know what they are saying)
8. “Kanda”, “Batata” and “Ghai” are Hindi words. (lol)
9. Mumbai is the financial capital of india. (That’s why they are the host to the biggest slum in India)
And now the last one which has caused me the most pain.
10. There is no concept of MRP (More on this one later. But did I hear all goons are in delhi )
1. Mumbai is the cleanest city in India. (Perhaps that’s why people sleep on the street itself)
2. All north Indians are SOB’s with no ethics. (Have you heard the names Raj and Bal thackery)
3. Delhi is a city full of goons and pickpockets. (It is a different matter that somebody stole my phone. Obviously it must have been a north Indian)
4. All marathis must support Mumbai Indians. When I told them in fluent Marathi that I am die hard Delhi daredevils fan, the shock on their faces was priceless
5. Ajinkya Rahane is the best young batsmen in India. (I hope he turns out to be )
6. Mumbai players cannot get selected in the Indian team unless they are as good as Sachin. Obviously they have conveniently forgotten the pain Ajit agarkar and Wasim Jaffer have inflicted on Indian cricket fans.
7. Mumbai Local is as good as Delhi Metro. (Oh God!! Please forgive them, they don’t know what they are saying)
8. “Kanda”, “Batata” and “Ghai” are Hindi words. (lol)
9. Mumbai is the financial capital of india. (That’s why they are the host to the biggest slum in India)
And now the last one which has caused me the most pain.
10. There is no concept of MRP (More on this one later. But did I hear all goons are in delhi )
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