The guide to crack any B school interview

Today is the second anniversary of the day I lost my ego. After 7 rejections within 24 hours and 3 more 1.5 years later, I have become an absolute master at cracking any interview :-). So it is my duty to share the wisdom I have acquired through my predicament.

I decided to start with the very reason you should trust my inputs.

Never seek advice from a person who cracked the company
Imagine you are someone who has gassed his way into a Day 0 company. Now a junior comes to seek advice from you. Since you are a nice guy, you would never turn the junior away in disappointment. You will obviously tell him what he wants to hear. You will tell him how the company asked you high level fundas and business questions which you cracked with ease. You will tell him about your awesome CV,the competitions you won in the 2 years and the NGO work you did.



Perhaps, now you know NEVER seek advice from such people. Ask those who couldn’t make it through to get a glimpse of the harsh reality. So here are a few magical insights into the big bad world of B school placements


Treat companies like a girl
The most important thing in cracking a company is to treat it like a girl. I have seen that people who are smooth with girls are most often the ones who crack the most sought after companies. Remember the golden rule - All HR’s are from XL, XL girls are hot, All hot girls are dumb and dumb girls love flattering.
A person got through a leading FMCG company after coming up with this ridiculous pick up line – “ Mam, when I was 4 months old the first thing my mom gave me to eat was Product Y. Right from that day itself (Company X) has become my dream company. “ (Company and Product name removed because some paranoid Bschoolers believed my blog could hamper their placements. The best complement i have ever recieved :P)

TAS
If you manage to keep yourself awake throughout the 1.5hr HR GD process (a very difficult task, mind you), you are bound to get a shortlist for the PI. Just keep repeating words like “Ethics, values, people’s value” after every 5 minutes.
In the interview, try to be innovative when you want to display your values and social work. You really need to come up with some weird and interesting examples to satisfy their inherent need to hear goodness in this world.
For example – Suppose you molested a girl and then accepted the fact in public, TAS will treat you as a person with high moral values because you were brave enough to accept your mistake.

P&G
P&G is one company that has institutionalized “gassing” as we all know it. I think P&G India needs to constantly explain P&G worldwide on why HUL is kicking their ass in the country. For this they need speakers who can eloquently confuse any panel in the presentation. Have you ever given an exam where you knew the questions that would be asked? P&G will be that exam. Unfortunately only few will get through. P&G selections are naturals. As they say “Greatness and gassing can never be coached”
Weird as it may sound but having Gassy names (like – Yatindra vijaywargiya, Chimney, Shantakumaram Parthsarthi )gives you an edge in P&G interviews.

Investment Banks
To get into an I Bank you need to prove to them that you are one hopeless workaholic. You need to show them that you are the kind of person who has no friends, is likely to be divorced within a year of marriage, has no interests or hobbies in life, is always whining and smiled the last time when he was a 5 year old.
Only such people can survive the hard core 20 hour a day work schedule of I banks.
Huh, and you thought it is an awesome CV that takes you into an I bank

You are a hot girl
In case you are a hot girl, choose your options very wisely. Select the 2-3 companies you want to get into and then apply only in those. You don’t want to wreck other careers.


Day 3 Day 4 Types
Unknown multinationals (those with operations in India, Bangladesh and Bhutan) like “Chilly Filly” and Indian FMCG minors like Chintoo Candies are the most intriguing. They do not in any way believe that they are inferior to the companies mentioned above. Even they would ask questions like “Why do you want to join Chintoo Candies?” etc. Now here is a tailor made answer for you –

“Sir, HUL P&G and ITC etc are already well penetrated into the entire market. Chintoo candies are in a mode of expansion (See how slyly you put across the point that you have no existence). The kind of opportunities and new challenges I will get at Chintoo candies is incomparable to any place else”


M&M
Mahindra and Mahindra’s selection process is scientifically designed. The long GD process brings out the best amongst all candidates in terms of content as well as values. Without creating a fish market every candidate gets the best opportunity to showcase his talent. The interview process too is extremely conceptual, based on a pattern very similar to IIT JEE. This has helped M&M to always recruit the best candidates from all campuses. (Confused?? Read the point no 1 again)


PS:
If you are an XL girl (Probability – 0.00001%) – See I called you hot :P
If you are Anand Mahindra (Probability – 0.0000000001%) – Sir, I was given a PPI. Still waiting for the interview
If you are a company HR (Probability – 0.001%) – All views and characters mentioned in the post are that of the author (some freeriding sid fellow) and I take no responsibility for his actions.
If you are a hot girl(Probability – 0.000000000000000000000001%) – Your entire breed has always given me a damn, now I give you a damn. Ukhaad lo jo ukhaadna hai :P


Serious PS: To be read with your sense of humour caps on. To those who do not have one are as it is denied entry to my blog :P