Monday, September 13, 2010

You know you are addicted to facebook when

I am seriously appalled by the callousness of my friends who keep wasting time on facebook. While I waste my time blogging, which I feel is a social cause and can be passed on as CSR, others are simply whiling away time on facebook. I feel most of my friends are addicted and need some serious counseling. To help them out I did some serious research and came up with the most clear cut indicators of facebook addiction.

1. You know you have had too much of facebook when you want bad things to happen to yourself so that you can put up a sympathy arousing, witty or funny status message.

2. You suggested your boss that social media is the most revolutionary marketing tool ever discovered and your company should definitely invest in it before the competition reaches there. Since your boss is a gullabe 50 year old nice guy (and internet illeterate), he gave you the entire responsibility of the project. Now you facebook the entire day under the facade of doing valuable business for the company.

3. More than once in your life you have had a very strange conversation with a hot (Acc to DCE/NSIT/NIT standards) chick you met for the first time. Not because you are a dork but because you knew absolutely everything about her (her college, hometown, places she has visited, even her commitment status and specially her mutual friends) and she refused to even acknowledge your name. Trust me,if you are a smart ass you can use it to your advantage by preempting things she is about to say.

4. On the subject of mutual friends, you will always find one guy who is a mutual friend of all the girls you checked out on facebook. Dont worry, he is one of those loser guys who send “will you be my fraaand?” requests to everyone and sometimes get lucky. Instead of being jealous, you should thank him. It is because of such wierdos that you are being allowed access to profiles you have no right to. (Seriously how cheap and despo some people can be!! Wink wink)

5. The only newspaper articles, reports, videos, sports events you have followed in the past week have been the ones posted on the walls of your friends.

6. Thanks to the above point you have developed a very strong opinion about all matters and are not shy to express it. This situation becomes dangerous when you start thinking that your opinion matters. It is at this stage that you should start searching a psychiatrist. In case you cannot find one, contact Chetan Bhagat and Times of india. They are looking for revolutionaries in their mission to malign CWG2010.

7. You judge people according to the number of likes received to their comments. Actually, you get into depression when your crush does not like your SM. You get angry on seeing the way all guys are hell bent on liking all the comments (even drab stupid ones) made by the hottest damsel of your class. (How pathetic can guys be )

8. You know it for a fact that status updates of all girls are witless, brainless and humorless. Yet you make it a point to like these status messages. You never know when you can get lucky. (Return to point number 7)

9. You have committed absolute blunders while updating your profile. For example: You updated “Cheated in exams” when your professor was in your friend list or you changed your relationship status without informing the girl or boy who is supposed to be the reason of your commitment.

In case you are doing any of the above I would seriously advice you to quit facebooking and help me in making the very important presentation that I am supposed to be working on currently. Don’t call me a freerider. As I already mentioned blogging is a social cause.