IT Companies to introduce Pyaar ka Punchnama in induction schedule

(Another fakingnews kind of story dedicated to my roomie and hundreds of other guys who have not learnt anything from Pyaar Ka Punchnama. The content is extremely sexist and controversial. Reader discretion is advised.)


Faced with the colossal challenge of keeping new recruits awake during induction presentations many IT companies have decided to include superhit movie Pyaar Ka punchnama as part of the their induction programs. Induction programs which are scientifically designed to impart the necessary gyaan required to complete the transition from student to corporate life are most often treated by young recruits as a frivolous platform to identify their potential future brides (in case of guys) and best friends (read as faithful ****, in case of girls)

Raj Aryan, a senior HR at TCS told us that the movie although a comedy is grounded in reality. He said, “Every year I see hundreds of young boys getting “used” at IT companies. They get salary of one but end up working for 5. Frustrated, they either go to do an MBA or switch companies. We felt it was a necessary to pass such knowledge to new recruits. However, no matter how hard we tried they ended up sleeping in presentations. So when I saw PKP, I realized that this is the best way to communicate to the GenX. Despite its popularity, young graduates have conveniently forgotten the lessons the movie teaches us about life. I am saddened that even after one month of the release of the movie no union (as hinted by the lead actor in PKP) supporting the cause of single guys has come up. We are encouraging our new employees to create a facebook page supporting the cause. In addition, IT engineers at TCS are working on creating a self-check warning system where the popular song “Kutta” will automatically start playing if a male engineer dabbles into any module meant to be completed by any female colleague. “

However, not all employees were all that excited about the supposedly “fun” activity designed by the HR. Rahul, a fresh graduate from DCE said that he absolutely loved the movie but HR being HR asked us to make an overnight presentation on the topic “Learnings for young managers from PKP”. He accepted that the movie had its positive effects because the smoking hot chick XX in his group volunteered to help making the presentation. However, she had a last minute family emergency and had to leave. She came back in the morning and was made the lead presenter. Her presentation skills were appreciated by the senior management and she has been earmarked for the much coveted sales profile. Rahul on the other hand was ridiculed for his soporific dazed expression during the presentation.


PS 1 : In case you are a single guy and haven’t watched PKP, I implore you to watch it. The movie has the potential to attain a cult status reserved only for classics like Gunda or Andaz Apna Apna.

PS 2 : Frankie says relax now has a facebook page. In case you have liked any of the posts here, please like it( When it comes to marketing, i am shameless :-)) –
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Frankie-Says-Relax/229571017060319

Ramalinga Raju to join politics – To head Andhra Pradesh operations of the RJD

(Wrote for fakingnews. Published on Sept 04 2010. )


Hyderabad: Ramalinga Raju, Satyam’s tainted ex chairman and prime accused in the multi crore accounting scam has decided to do a career switch and enter active politics. According to news reports, he was approached by various political parties wanting Raju to join their organization. After several offers and day long negotiations with all parties, Raju decided to join the Rashtriya Janta Dal’s Andhra Pradesh wing as the head of operations. “Raju’s joining hands will help our party become a national party. We can finally move out of Bihar. We are sure that under the able leadership of Mr Raju RJD will emerge as a strong contender in the next state elections. His experience of handling a small company like Satyam against giants like TCS and Infosys will come in handy while competing against the big national parties. ”said Sadhu Yadav. “This will help us in improving our image in the eyes of the corporate world. We have always been viewed as an uneducated party but now things will change” beamed RJD Chief Laloo Prasad Yadav. When grilled by the media on how can a criminal be made a member of his party, Laloo Prasad Yadav reiterated that Raju was only an accused and not proven guilty. He said he had full confidence in India’s judiciary and was sure that Mr Raju will come out innocent out of the whole issue. The move is also being viewed as a long term modernization strategy in RJD. It is learnt that Raju will also be the chief strategist in all elections and work behind the scenes along with Pappu Yadav. Freeriding sid talked to Pappu who lamented that before the use of electric voting machines RJD was the best in class when it came to booth capturing. The EVM machines had destroyed RJD’s USP and therefore they had fallen behind Nitish Kumar’s JD(U). We have full faith that Raju can crack the code of the EVM’s and help RJD reestablish their dominance in Bihar.

Although there was some shock in the IT industry, political experts showed no surprise in the development. They said it was an obvious career choice for Mr Raju. His son talked to freeriding sid and was quite enthusiastic about his father’s new career move “He is quite knowledgeable about the laws of the country and was a close associate of all political parties during his Satyam days. What he is used to do covertly, he will do in the open. I am pretty sure he will be successful”

TDP Chief Chandrababu Nadu, who was always known to be a very close friend of the Raju’s showed some disappointment but was said he was happy for his former friend. Nadu addressed the media saying “RJD has made him head of state. TDP could not have offered him the same designation. Although I would have liked to work with such an intellectual but I have no complaints. I wish him the best of luck for a successful political career”

ICC to conduct entrance exam for all international players

Dubai: Irritated by the constant flouting of its rules the ICC has decided to conduct a compulsory entrance exam for all international players. All players, young and old must qualify by clearing this test and only then, will they be made eligible for play in international matches. There have been numerous instances in the past two months were international players have been commissioned to the refree’s room. The recent incident occurred yesterday when Kyle Mills who breached the warm up rule (Rule 17.1)and was suspended for half an hour from bowling. Mills later reported that he was not aware of the rule. Shocked by this, the ICC has decided to start this entrance test. A top ranking ICC official talked to the media - “We want all players to know all the rules and sections by heart so that they maintain discipline and spirit of the game. The test will be a simple way to ensure that no players blame the lawmakers after breaching it later”. The course curriculum for the exam will consist of the following sections –

1. All laws, sections, subsections and the punishments enforced in the ICC rulebook.
2. Abuses in all basic international cricketing languages – English, Australian, Hindi, Urdu, Swahili and Zulu
3. Basic corporate and media etiquettes
4. Guide to the spirit of cricket and integrity – A book written by an ICC panel

The boards of all cricketing nations have reacted differently to ICC’s decision. ACB was happy saying that all their players were already adept at point No 2 and hence it is unlikely that they will face any problem coping with the new law. The PCB is however enraged at the new development and claimed it to be a conspiracy of the west. PCB chief Izaz Butt told fakingnews “We have a different schooling system in Pakistan. At the age of 5, parents of the students decide if they want their sons to become a bureaucrat, terrorist or a cricketer. Only the future bureaucrats are sent to a proper school, terrorists are sent to the JeT academy in PoK and the cricketers are thrown on the streets. How will these cricketers face an exam? They have never been trained to face one. It is clear that the world is threatened by Pakistan’s brilliant performance in the third test. They want to kill our cricket.”

In India , Raj Thackery has threatened the ICC that if such an entrance exam is started, Marathi abuses should also be a taught because most of the Indian cricketers are Maharastrians. Mayawati has already demanded a different cut off for SC and OBC’s in the exam. Freeriding sid contacted Shashank Manohar who was relaxed about the whole issue “The BCCI has already made a committee that will raise our issues with the ICC. I am sure they will either be ready to incorporate these demands or decide to cancel the idea altogether. Because if they don’t we will threaten to sever all ties with the ICC. I am sure they don’t want to get into such a soup.”

It is also being reported that some Indian parents have already started sending their children to various coaching centers who have started claiming that they are well equipped to teach students how to crack this exam too. “We have already employed a few ex umpires, cricketers and commentators in our faculty. Indians would not be facing a problem i.e only if they join our coaching center” said an excited CL Pillai, head of a reputed CAT Coaching center.

Peepli Effect - Khap Panchayat orders its own “Natha” to commit suicide

(Wrote it for fakingnews. Edited version published by them under my pseudo name on Aug 20,2010)


In yet another incident of Khap Panchayat’s tyranny, the panchayat of village Peemproli has ordered one villager Natha Singh Chauhan to commit suicide to help the village in getting the necessary publicity. Inspired by the movie “Peepli Live” the panchayat ordered that Natha should die because it will bring the much needed media and political attention to the village. Village Peemproli, a small village in Harayana is mostly inhabited by Brahmins and has not seen any development in the past 50 years. “We have never been part of any news ever. Our sons are so lame, they are never able to woo any girl let alone one of a different caste. Since we are predominantly a Brahmin village we cannot protest for any reservations and hence no political party ever visits us. None of us are strong enough to become Olympic wrestlers which is the only sport played in the town. Even our kids are so obedient that they never fall in any bore well. When we heard about Peepli Live we understood this is our opportunity to finally get our much wanted fame. Natha must sacrifice for the betterment of the entire kaum.” said a villager. Fakingnews reporter Freeriding sid managed to talk exclusively to Natha Singh who has been absconding since the Panchayat’s decision. He blamed the NGO worker Medha Chatkar for the whole situation. Natha said that Medha who acted as a consultant to the village panchayat had advised them earlier of creating some national level news. It was Medha, Natha alleged who convinced the villagers that for a revolution to take place they have to do something big. Since none of the other villagers can achieve anything of note, he was being made the poor scapegoat. Freeriding sid did interview Medha about this allegation. Unfortunately, the capitalist MBA type sid did not comprehend the communist jargon that Medha threw at him. The American Intel processor in his brain translated the interview as “Blah Blah, blah Blah, Blah Blah Blah.” Fakingnews is trying to decode the transcript and would publish the interview as soon as possible.
Fakingnews entry into the village was greeted with widespread elation in the village because they feel this will lead to mass avalanche of reporters coming to the village akin to the movie. “We have been successful in our efforts. All thanks to fakingnews” was the delighted reaction of the sarpanch of the village.

Modi and Kalmadi join hands – To start their own Olympic league

(Published by fakingnews under my pseudo name "freeriding sid". Had to write this because i got some hate mails accusing me of plagiaism....lol)


Shocked by the jolt of the rejected Asian Games 2019 bid, Suresh Kalmadi announced today that he is joining forces with the much maligned former IPL commissioner Lalit Modi to form a company named as Rendenzvous sports club. The company aims at starting parallel Olympic games and hosting it in India. “The similarity amongst the both of us is uncanny. We both are men of great vision and sporting passion. Our synergies were clearly visible. We getting together was just a natural phenomenon” said an elated Lalit Modi after the announcement. It is learnt that both were in constant touch after the end of IPL3 and decided to launch the venture when they fully understood that it was in no way possible to have Olympic Games in India without such a rebellion. The first edition of the games will be held in February 2012 clashing with the dates of the IPL in order to start a direct war against cricket. Many sporting icons of other sports welcomed this idea because they think it will challenge the hegemony of cricket in India. The locations and stars that will be performing in the opening and closing ceremony have already been decided. The ceremonies will see top performers from the Bollywood and the Hollywood film industries dancing together. It promises to be an event like never before and would bring loads of foreign exchange in the country. “If people thought IPL was big, they are in for a surprise” said Mr Sharad Pawar who clearly expressed that he has no stake in the company but was only giving outside support. “We have already signed up sponsorship deals worth 500 Crore. If IPL had deepika, we will have Angelina Jolie. If IPL had one bling, we will have 5 blings. Everything will be just bigger and better” said an elated sponsor who had unsuccessfully bid for an IPL team last year. Suresh Kalmadi could not be contacted but his secretary responded to the query on his role in the company - Mr Kalmadi has eons of experience in running non cricketing sports. There is no better sports administrator than him in the entire country because nobody under the age of 60 has been involved in that role. So who better than him to rule the roost?

There are rumours that some other experienced sports administrators like Praful Patel, Priyanjan Das Munshi and VK Malhotra would be on the board of the company.
“Its time to challenge the domination of the IOA and IOC who have always deprived Indians of viewing a world class event. If we cannot get it, we will create it. All the important preparations have already been done. Only the final issue of deciding on the games and venues to be played in the games is to be decided. ” said Lalit Modi in a press conference to the media.



PS: Needless to say the above was a figment of my imagination :P

Sensational revelation: Mahut accepts the marathon match was fixed

In a sensational revelation, Nicolos Mahut has accepted that the marathon match was staged by the two players in order to attain fame and immortality. After being interrogated for nearly 3 hours by the London police, a very emotional Mahut broke down and accepted the crime. He said “I am a bloody court no 18 player. A court number 18 player lives at court no 18 and dies at court no 18”. He almost broke down saying “I have been a professional for 10 years now and nobody knows me. I come here, win one or two matches at outside courts and nobody sees. Then sometimes they throw me against Federer, Nadal or roddick on center court and everybody marvels at my haplessness”. While coming to Wimbledon, my 5 year old kid wished me “Dad! I hope you atleast win one match this time”. I was absolutely shattered to hear this and when I learnt that John Isner my good outside court friend was my opponent I devised this plan. I told Isner that we could become legends: greater than Federer or Roddick and he acquiesced. He agreed on the condition that I would ultimately let him win.

The British Police reported that the investigation was done because of allegations made by an unknown Pakistani cricketer Rashid Latif, who is an absolute expert on match fixing in sports. “I saw the match on television and immediately had the feeling this is not right. How can they hit so many aces in the 5th set? After having investigated match fixing for the past 15 years in cricket, it didn’t take me long to understand the conspiracy. I immediately called my friend Danish Kaneria, who has good contacts with the British police and they reacted instantly.” Latif said.

A visibly triumphant Latif who could be nominated for an OBE said in a press conference “ I played the game in a certain way. I walked every time I got out, never appealed unnecessarily and always played within the spirit of the game. I want to see all sports being run the same way. I would treat this as a very small victory. I am not going to keep quiet until all sports are set free from corruption. I hope they start respecting me more in my own country after this episode.”


PS: The post is obviously a work of fiction :-)